SWING TO HARMONY

2006-04-14T12:05:00.000+08:00

sex on the beach and rum with cola @ sanctuary with nigel, raymond and yonghan.
the live band was superb.
enjoyed myself yesterday.. :)

2006-04-01T23:40:00.000+08:00

how sia?

2006-03-26T00:35:00.000+08:00

jialat liao...
sci vs biz. =(

smm is a pretty cool place, just that the living condition is... unbearable.. machiam prison cell size sia.. bth..
hope to finish the damn medic course and get posted to some other proper place.. best kena tekong. den swee liaos.

you have been posted to PTMC.
XD that would be totally awesome. :)

2006-03-19T09:35:00.000+08:00

lost again...
how did it happen, i seriously do not know..
fortunately i've got 21 more mths to start thinking straight.
hopefully, by then i would have found my focus..

what happened during the block leave was pretty terrible, sometimes i wished i were still @ tekong.. at least i wouldn't have time to think silly thoughts.
seriously i hope i would have gotten over it by end of ns.
then i can get back to whats impt in my life.. :)

o and i revisited the tauhuay shop.. twice yesterday.. b4 and after dinner.. once after kuaychap lunch with zx and cs, and later with platoon mates after our fish and co. dinner...
the swordfish collar is damn damn huge... couldnt finish the entire thing..

hais... the thought of going back to army really sucks...
the block leave screws up the ritual that i had in me...
i think if there werent a block leave, i wouldnt be that miserable now.. =(
but.. if there werent a block leave, i would have gone mad in there anyway.. @_@
this totally sucks.. its like being played with..
the same with their rush to wait, wait to rush crap.. it gets into your head and breaks u down slowly... its like mad rushes, followed by long meaningless waits.
mentally tiring and painful..

2006-03-08T13:31:00.000+08:00

i've let u down

2006-03-04T18:00:00.000+08:00

shock.

shock is like finding out that your right hand swapped places with your left..
like something really fucked got changed, and there is no explaination on how the hell it could possibly happen...

i was shocked on wednesday.
stupid chem.
now i got less chance to kena chem or mat engin. sian. sian arh!
but fortunately in my almost 3 mths of army, i learnt something invaluable...
lan lan suck thumb.

there was the recruits night with the crap performance.
waste of time.

24k march was insane cos N was leading us in the FAST march... which wasnt 24k @ all....
:) we took track of time/dist and we knew tt we did more, so.. damn the idiot who came up with the route..

but.. dispite the crap, next tuesday POP LO!!!
POP POP POP POP!~!~!
summore my coy 1st too bookout on POP day!!!
sibei song lar!!

2006-02-26T14:09:00.000+08:00

SEVEN MORE WORKING DAYS TO... POP LO!!!

7 more days to pop~~~

=) SIBEI SONG AR!!!

- away the 1 day to collect results
- away the 1 day games day + rec. evening,

5 more days to pop lo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

o yea...

super funny week...
as usual, mr wilson is the star of the week...

oc evening...
mr wilson doing funky dance and rubbing his nips during the bodybuilding thingy...
paul and bent-dick doing the gay thing.. and.. mr benedict is a fucking gay ass who can shake it like a girl... O_O
OMFGWTFBBQ
that is the most f-up thing i've seen in my entire life, seriously, his broken wrist thingy is extreme...

2006-02-19T19:07:00.000+08:00

booking in soon...
watched saw 2... another fantastic movie... XD
very very soon to pop... cant wait to leave the island
cant wait for the block leave!!!

2006-02-12T18:42:00.000+08:00

book in blues.
dunno why but feel very very very sians like my 1st book in liddat...

haissssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

2006-02-02T15:15:00.000+08:00

count down to book in.
dinner with The Clerk Colin b4 we book in... XD

range was okay, miss 5 shots in day shoot, dunno how i miss day but hit during night shoots...
field camp... was... eventful. XD
learnt to appreciate lots of stuff..
like
food, yea, cookhouse food can taste good aft u ate combat rations..

toilet, i appreciated toilets all along, but the shithole we poo'ed in compared to some public toilets... i rather poo in the shithole..

the bunk, bunk sweet bunk when u reach bunk aft field camp.. seriously..

showers... after powder bathing for 3 days, the 10min shower on the tech break day felt... heavenly..

friends! XD in camp and out of camp. how 2 survive during field camp if every1 were cb-kias.. sure die, a**hole sure torn by commanders... aft camp, long time no see ppl, see already happy. went back to sch, saw ms teh. went visiting to mr goh's. his kids are... T_T adorable..

laughed, sweat, bled alittle..

moments of the week
ulti warrior cooking 5 packets of instant noodles for dinner.
me sleeping in prone position when waiting for ps to give signal.. needed raymond to knock my helmet to wake me up.. XD
satish doing fire exercise!!!
GROUP! ICE!
GROUP! FILE FORMATION! - 4 those who know, got no such command dur fire exercise @ all-

food of the week
the good : blueberry fruit bar!
the bad : oriental seafood noodle with crabstick. <== tastes like puke

conversation of the week
-should have been an encik satish(my bed buddy) speech but i cant rmb-
so.. next best thing! XD

me: *pointing to debra on my camera's screen saying* who is this?
didi (mr goh's younger son) : this is some aunty!

:)
XD

o yea... our sch canteen has a plasma screen tv.. knn.. install aft we grad.. how can?!

2006-01-28T20:18:00.000+08:00

main events in the past 2 weeks were..
range and field camp. :)

but the bayside lyrics are more impt.. i'll try rmb what happened during range and field camp some other time.. :)

"Don't Call Me Peanut"

Drink up beautiful.
I spiked your cup with angst and a heart attack,
'cause I've got so much trapped
It's all because of you.
So I figured you might like some back.

And when I see her
I'll tell her what's been on my mind
all these sleepless nights.
She'll recite her excuses
Put my tail between these legs of mine
like I do all the time.

I can't live my life
knowing you'll be in his arms each time I blink my eyes.
Know what goes on behind my back every night,
afraid I'll never leave,
afraid I'll never know what's good for me.

And when I see her
I'll tell her what's been on my mind
all these sleepless nights.
She'll recite her excuses
Put my tail between these legs of mine
like I do all the time.

And now you say that,
you say you love me.
Well I may have your heart,
he has your body.
And now you swear that you're being honest,
but you're not honest,
and you never could be.

And when I see her
I'll tell her what's been on my mind
all these sleepless nights.
She'll recite her excuses
Put my tail between these legs of mine
like I do all the time.

2006-01-15T10:20:00.000+08:00

morale.
is very impt.
when u feel like shit, u work shit.
when u feel good, u work good.

event of the week.
singing 'time goes by... so slowly... so slowly' while doing guard duty.
seriously, when it feels like 20 mins has gone by... its actually only 5mins... :(
+, the guard room is filthy.. the pillows are like mouldy.. floor always wet, dunno how the hell it got wet.. and...

ultimate warrior was playing some porno game that made alot of moaning noises from his ngage when ppl were trying to sleep... )(*&^#@*%@!
btw, ultimate warrior is... if u know how he is like, u would have laughed @ the above, if not u would jus think tt its disgusting.. but seriously... i spent 1/2 hr laughing while on duty aft i i saw his porno game while going for my duty...
a better description of ult warrior should be available in the far future.. cos i need a picture of him to get the LOL effect.. XD

conversations of the week. (mostly by mr festive season pti)
pti: i know u all had a 6km route march this morning and are all shagged!
BUT I DONT GIVE A FUCK!
DOWN!!

pti, lye chi and rambutan.
after the pti kept irritaing lye chi...

pti: lye chi!
lc: WHAT PTI!
pti: WA?! lc, so now u are my friend la!
sorry ar recruit sorry!
lc: ------
pti: rambutan!
r: yes pti! (stands up and raises his hand)
pti: u see lye chi! u should learn from him! he is the model fruit!

sad cos i wont be coming back home next week.. got field camp so got 'confinement'
sians. buddens... got 1 week holiday when i come back!!!
hais.. hope i can book out on 26th or 27th morning..
hope csm dont think carry out his
TIMSUM IN TEKONG idea... :(

2006-01-08T16:57:00.000+08:00

new vocab of the week by 2LT john.

KUKUBYE. noun.

conversation of the week by a sergeant whose name i forgot.

sergeant: ' dunno why sm of u cant take vulgar language... u think my father let me use arh?'

recruit: 'no sergeant!'

sergeant:' ya lar! tt y i tell him, no choice! in ns, must use!'

2006-01-02T10:18:00.000+08:00

army life is kinda interesting...

alot of lame stuff said like...

permission to keep fit pti!

harden your rod and use it to slap your face!

why u fold yer arms? sir stamford raffles issit? do u know what happened to him?
he got fucked by the british! u want sergeant gavin to fuck u issit?

u pass swim but still wanna go swim?
u want to suck my cock? aft eating smthing tt swim, u sure will swim liao. still wanna go swimming?

no horse-kicks! unless u prove to me that u are from girl guides...
then i will spread u on a table and fuck u. understand?

2005-12-24T14:54:00.000+08:00

can i just be something
somewhere in your room
that you wont notice
maybe ill be paper
or books thrown on your floor
move me when you want to
ill live where you put me
in your VCR
if i become a cassette
or on top of your computer
if thats where i would fit
then so be it
but things cant be perfect
all the time
that i know
sometimes we just have to let some things go
i will not say one word
ill just hang around
i wont annoy you at all
when you move out ill stay
until im thrown away
but then it wont matter
things cant be perfect
all the time
that i know
sometimes we just have to let some things go
because
things cant be perfect
all the time
that i know
sometimes we just have to let somethings go
i promise to stop now
to stop now
i promise to stop now
to stop now
but things cant be perfect
all the time
that i know
sometimes we just have to let some things go
things cant be perfect
all the time
that i know
sometimes we just have to let some things go
letting go is my life
ill be on my way

kind of perfect by armor for sleep.

230 - ilivers!!!

2005-08-21T19:48:00.000+08:00

i have....

gotten my ILIVERS H10 BLUE!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
IT IS FREAKING HELL CHIO.... i find it chioer den the ipok or the zen bricks...
=) yeah!
YEAH!
YEAH!
YEAH!

HAHA!!!

2005-08-14T14:05:00.000+08:00

only when u have felt immense sufferings, then you would be able to feel the greatest of joys.

215 - JI PA BAN

2005-08-06T20:49:00.000+08:00

JI PA BAN - $1M

Nah sih gua uh ji pa ban, ji pa ban,
Gua uh ji pa ban, jit si lang tio khin san,
Bo khong bo lang jai, kong tio chin pai seh,
Chiak kak hia nih tua hanh. ko mm pat je puey kee,

If I have got one million, one million,
I got one million, my whole life no worries,
Never say nobody knows, say already very shy,
Eat until so big, never sat on a plane before,

Pah piah hua chuey ni, bo chia bo chu ko bo ai lin,
Kua lang chua bo ko chuey sing di, wu jii ko wu seng,

Worked so hard for so many years, no car no house and also no lover,
See people get married and do business, got money and got success,

Nah si gua wu ji pa ban, wa beh je puey kee,
Wa beh ew seh kai, ha wa ee sai dai yang,
Lit pun chiak su shi (Wa chia li chiak su shi)

If I have got one million, I wanna sit on a plane,
I wanna explore the world, Hawaii to sun bath,
Japan eat sushi ( treat you eat sushi )

Nah si gua wu ji pa ban, wa beh buey chia buey chu,
sang ting ka hai bi, siang lang ka ho kih
lai hor wa chua bor

If I have got one million, I wanna buy car buy house,
exotic food from the mountains and sea food, find a wife

Nah sih gua uh ji pa ban, ji pa ban,
Nah sih li wu kiam eng jii, khui chui bien keh khi,

If I have got one million, one million,
If you need to borrow money, just open your mouth and ask and no need shy shy,

Bo khong bo lang jai, kong tio chin pai seh,
Chiak kak hia nih tua hanh. ko mm pat je puey kee,

Never say nobody knows, say already very shy,
Eat until so big, never sat on a plane before,

Pah piah hua chuey ni, bo chia bo chu ko bo ai lin,
Kua lang chua bo ko chuey sing di, wu jii ko wu seng,

Worked so hard for so many years, no car no house and also no lover,
See people get married and do business, got money and got success,

Nah si gua wu ji pa ban, wa beh je puey kee,
Wa beh ew seh kai, ee tah li lim ko pi,
Loh pi chiak speh ge ti (Loh pi chiak speh ge ti)

If I have got one million, I wanna sit on a plane,
I wanna explore the world, Italy drink coffee,
Road side eat spaghetti ( road side eat spaghetti )

Nah si gua wu ji pa ban, wa beh buey chia buey chu,
Buey tiam lai siu chor, eng eng bien cho kang,
Chua kow ki san por,

If I have got one million, I wanna buy car buy house,
Buy shop to collect rent, easy easy no need to work,
Bring dog go for a walk,

Nah sih gua uh ji pa ban, ji pa ban,
Nah sih li wu kiam eng jii, khui chui bien keh khi,

If I have got one million, one million,
If you need to borrow money, just open your mouth and ask and no need shy shy,

Nah sih gua uh ji pa ban, ji pa ban,
Chap cheng puay cheng teh ki eng,
bien huan ma boh bun tuey (huan chien pu se wen ti)

If I have got one million, one million,
Ten thousand eight thousand take go and use,
No need to pay back also no problem ( pay back money not a problem )

Nah sih gua uh ji pa ban, ji pa ban…
Wei, peng yu eh, li siong ji pa ban, chin chuay ah?

If I have got one million, one million,
Wei friend, you think one million a lot ah

u can dl the song frm... here

208

2005-07-30T20:19:00.000+08:00

part of Chapter 73 - The Promise

It was, indeed, Maximilian Morrel, who had passed a wretched existence since the previous day. With the instinct peculiar to lovers he had anticipated after the return of Madame de Saint-Meran and the death of the marquis, that something would occur at M. de Villefort's in connection with his attachment for Valentine. His presentiments were realized, as we shall see, and his uneasy forebodings had goaded him pale and trembling to the gate under the chestnut-trees. Valentine was ignorant of the cause of this sorrow and anxiety, and as it was not his accustomed hour for visiting her, she had gone to the spot simply by accident or perhaps through sympathy. Morrel called her, and she ran to the gate. "You here at this hour?" said she. "Yes, my poor girl," replied Morrel; "I come to bring and to hear bad tidings."

"This is, indeed, a house of mourning," said Valentine; "speak, Maximilian, although the cup of sorrow seems already full."

"Dear Valentine," said Morrel, endeavoring to conceal his own emotion, "listen, I entreat you; what I am about to say is very serious. When are you to be married?"

"I will tell you all," said Valentine; "from you I have nothing to conceal. This morning the subject was introduced, and my dear grandmother, on whom I depended as my only support, not only declared herself favorable to it, but is so anxious for it, that they only await the arrival of M. d'Epinay, and the following day the contract will be signed." A deep sigh escaped the young man, who gazed long and mournfully at her he loved. "Alas," replied he, "it is dreadful thus to hear my condemnation from your own lips. The sentence is passed, and, in a few hours, will be executed; it must be so, and I will not endeavor to prevent it. But, since you say nothing remains but for M. d'Epinay to arrive that the contract may be signed, and the following day you will be his, to-morrow you will be engaged to M. d'Epinay, for he came this morning to Paris." Valentine uttered a cry.

"I was at the house of Monte Cristo an hour since," said Morrel; "we were speaking, he of the sorrow your family had experienced, and I of your grief, when a carriage rolled into the court-yard. Never, till then, had I placed any confidence in presentiments, but now I cannot help believing them, Valentine. At the sound of that carriage I shuddered; soon I heard steps on the staircase, which terrified me as much as the footsteps of the commander did Don Juan. The door at last opened; Albert de Morcerf entered first, and I began to hope my fears were vain, when, after him, another young man advanced, and the count exclaimed - `Ah, here is the Baron Franz d'Epinay!' I summoned all my strength and courage to my support. Perhaps I turned pale and trembled, but certainly I smiled; and five minutes after I left, without having heard one word that had passed."

"Poor Maximilian!" murmured Valentine.

"Valentine, the time has arrived when you must answer me. And remember my life depends on your answer. What do you intend doing?" Valentine held down her head; she was overwhelmed.

"Listen," said Morrel; "it is not the first time you have contemplated our present position, which is a serious and urgent one; I do not think it is a moment to give way to useless sorrow; leave that for those who like to suffer at their leisure and indulge their grief in secret. There are such in the world, and God will doubtless reward them in heaven for their resignation on earth, but those who mean to contend must not lose one precious moment, but must return immediately the blow which fortune strikes. Do you intend to struggle against our ill-fortune? Tell me, Valentine for it is that I came to know."

Valentine trembled, and looked at him with amazement. The idea of resisting her father, her grandmother, and all the family, had never occurred to her. "What do you say, Maximilian?" asked Valentine. "What do you mean by a struggle? Oh, it would be a sacrilege. What? I resist my father's order, and my dying grandmother's wish? Impossible!" Morrel started. "You are too noble not to understand me, and you understand me so well that you already yield, dear Maximilian. No, no; I shall need all my strength to struggle with myself and support my grief in secret, as you say. But to grieve my father - to disturb my grandmother's last moments - never!"

"You are right," said Morrel, calmly.

"In what a tone you speak!" cried Valentine.

"I speak as one who admires you, mademoiselle."

"Mademoiselle," cried Valentine; "mademoiselle! Oh, selfish man, - he sees me in despair, and pretends he cannot understand me!"

"You mistake - I understand you perfectly. You will not oppose M. Villefort, you will not displease the marchioness, and to-morrow you will sign the contract which will bind you to your husband."

"But, mon Dieu, tell me, how can I do otherwise?"

"Do not appeal to me, mademoiselle; I shall be a bad judge in such a case; my selfishness will blind me," replied Morrel, whose low voice and clinched hands announced his growing desperation.

"What would you have proposed, Maximilian, had you found me willing to accede?"

"It is not for me to say."

"You are wrong; you must advise me what to do."

"Do you seriously ask my advice, Valentine?"

"Certainly, dear Maximilian, for if it is good, I will follow it; you know my devotion to you."

"Valentine," said Morrel pushing aside a loose plank, "give me your hand in token of forgiveness of my anger; my senses are confused, and during the last hour the most extravagant thoughts have passed through my brain. Oh, if you refuse my advice" -

"What do you advise?" said Valentine, raising her eyes to heaven and sighing. "I am free," replied Maximilian, "and rich enough to support you. I swear to make you my lawful wife before my lips even shall have approached your forehead."

"You make me tremble!" said the young girl.

"Follow me," said Morrel; "I will take you to my sister, who is worthy also to be yours. We will embark for Algiers, for England, for America, or, if your prefer it, retire to the country and only return to Paris when our friends have reconciled your family." Valentine shook her head. "I feared it, Maximilian," said she; "it is the counsel of a madman, and I should be more mad than you, did I not stop you at once with the word `Impossible, impossible!'"

"You will then submit to what fate decrees for you without even attempting to contend with it?" said Morrel sorrowfully. "Yes, - if I die!"

"Well, Valentine," resumed Maximilian, "I can only say again that you are right. Truly, it is I who am mad, and you prove to me that passion blinds the most well-meaning. I appreciate your calm reasoning. It is then understood that to-morrow you will be irrevocably promised to M. Franz d'Epinay, not only by that theatrical formality invented to heighten the effect of a comedy called the signature of the contract, but your own will?"

"Again you drive me to despair, Maximilian," said Valentine, "again you plunge the dagger into the wound! What would you do, tell me, if your sister listened to such a proposition?"

"Mademoiselle," replied Morrel with a bitter smile, "I am selfish - you have already said so - and as a selfish man I think not of what others would do in my situation, but of what I intend doing myself. I think only that I have known you not a whole year. From the day I first saw you, all my hopes of happiness have been in securing your affection. One day you acknowledged that you loved me, and since that day my hope of future happiness has rested on obtaining you, for to gain you would be life to me. Now, I think no more; I say only that fortune has turned against me - I had thought to gain heaven, and now I have lost it. It is an every-day occurrence for a gambler to lose not only what he possesses but also what he has not." Morrel pronounced these words with perfect calmness; Valentine looked at him a moment with her large, scrutinizing eyes, endeavoring not to let Morrel discover the grief which struggled in her heart. "But, in a word, what are you going to do?" asked she.

"I am going to have the honor of taking my leave of you, mademoiselle, solemnly assuring you that I wish your life may be so calm, so happy, and so fully occupied, that there may be no place for me even in your memory."

"Oh!" murmured Valentine.

"Adieu, Valentine, adieu!" said Morrel, bowing.

"Where are you going?" cried the young girl, extending her hand through the opening, and seizing Maximilian by his coat, for she understood from her own agitated feelings that her lover's calmness could not be real; "where are you going?"

"I am going, that I may not bring fresh trouble into your family: and to set an example which every honest and devoted man, situated as I am, may follow."

"Before you leave me, tell me what you are going to do, Maximilian." The young man smiled sorrowfully. "Speak, speak!" said Valentine; "I entreat you."

"Has your resolution changed, Valentine?"

"It cannot change, unhappy man; you know it must not!" cried the young girl. "Then adieu, Valentine!" Valentine shook the gate with a strength of which she could not have been supposed to be possessed, as Morrel was going away, and passing both her hands through the opening, she clasped and wrung them. "I must know what you mean to do!" said she. "Where are you going?"

"Oh, fear not," said Maximilian, stopping at a short distance, "I do not intend to render another man responsible for the rigorous fate reserved for me. Another might threaten to seek M. Franz, to provoke him, and to fight with him; all that would be folly. What has M. Franz to do with it? He saw me this morning for the first time, and has already forgotten he has seen me. He did not even know I existed when it was arranged by your two families that you should be united. I have no enmity against M. Franz, and promise you the punishment shall not fall on him."

"On whom, then! - on me?"

"On you? Valentine! Oh, heaven forbid! Woman is sacred; the woman one loves is holy."

"On yourself, then, unhappy man; on yourself?"

"I am the only guilty person, am I not?' said Maximilian.

"Maximilian!" said Valentine, "Maximilian, come back, I entreat you!" He drew near with his sweet smile, and but for his paleness one might have thought him in his usual happy mood. "Listen, my dear, my adored Valentine," said he in his melodious and grave tone; "those who, like us, have never had a thought for which we need blush before the world, such may read each other's hearts. I never was romantic, and am no melancholy hero. I imitate neither Manfred nor Anthony; but without words, protestations, or vows, my life has entwined itself with yours; you leave me, and you are right in doing so, - I repeat it, you are right; but in losing you, I lose my life.

"The moment you leave me, Valentine, I am alone in the world. My sister is happily married; her husband is only my brother-in-law, that is, a man whom the ties of social life alone attach to me; no one then longer needs my useless life. This is what I shall do; I will wait until the very moment you are married, for I will not lose the shadow of one of those unexpected chances which are sometimes reserved for us, since M. Franz may, after all, die before that time, a thunderbolt may fall even on the altar as you approach it, - nothing appears impossible to one condemned to die, and miracles appear quite reasonable when his escape from death is concerned. I will, then, wait until the last moment, and when my misery is certain, irremediable, hopeless, I will write a confidential letter to my brother-in-law, another to the prefect of police, to acquaint them with my intention, and at the corner of some wood, on the brink of some abyss, on the bank of some river, I will put an end to my existence, as certainly as I am the son of the most honest man who ever lived in France."

Valentine trembled convulsively; she loosened her hold of the gate, her arms fell by her side, and two large tears rolled down her cheeks. The young man stood before her, sorrowful and resolute. "Oh, for pity's sake," said she, "you will live, will you not?"

"No, on my honor," said Maximilian; "but that will not affect you. You have done your duty, and your conscience will be at rest." Valentine fell on her knees, and pressed her almost bursting heart. "Maximilian," said she, "Maximilian, my friend, my brother on earth, my true husband in heaven, I entreat you, do as I do, live in suffering; perhaps we may one day be united."

"Adieu, Valentine," repeated Morrel.

"My God," said Valentine, raising both her hands to heaven with a sublime expression, "I have done my utmost to remain a submissive daughter; I have begged, entreated, implored; he has regarded neither my prayers, my entreaties, nor my tears. It is done," cried she, willing away her tears, and resuming her firmness, "I am resolved not to die of remorse, but rather of shame. Live, Maximilian, and I will be yours. Say when shall it be? Speak, command, I will obey." Morrel, who had already gone some few steps away, again returned, and pale with joy extended both hands towards Valentine through the opening. "Valentine," said he, "dear Valentine, you must not speak thus - rather let me die. Why should I obtain you by violence, if our love is mutual? Is it from mere humanity you bid me live? I would then rather die."

"Truly," murmured Valentine, "who on this earth cares for me, if he does not? Who has consoled me in my sorrow but he? On whom do my hopes rest? On whom does my bleeding heart repose? On him, on him, always on him! Yes, you are right, Maximilian, I will follow you. I will leave the paternal home, I will give up all. Oh, ungrateful girl that I am," cried Valentine, sobbing, "I will give up all, even my dear old grandfather, whom I had nearly forgotten."

"No," said Maximilian, "you shall not leave him. M. Noirtier has evinced, you say, a kind feeling towards me. Well, before you leave, tell him all; his consent would be your justification in God's sight. As soon as we are married, he shall come and live with us, instead of one child, he shall have two. You have told me how you talk to him and how he answers you; I shall very soon learn that language by signs, Valentine, and I promise you solemnly, that instead of despair, it is happiness that awaits us."

"Oh, see, Maximilian, see the power you have over me, you almost make me believe you; and yet, what you tell me is madness, for my father will curse me - he is inflexible - he will never pardon me. Now listen to me, Maximilian; if by artifice, by entreaty, by accident - in short, if by any means I can delay this marriage, will you wait?"

"Yes, I promise you, as faithfully as you have promised me that this horrible marriage shall not take place, and that if you are dragged before a magistrate or a priest, you will refuse."

"I promise you by all that is most sacred to me in the world, namely, by my mother."

"We will wait, then," said Morrel.

"Yes, we will wait," replied Valentine, who revived at these words; "there are so many things which may save unhappy beings such as we are."

"I rely on you, Valentine," said Morrel; "all you do will be well done; only if they disregard your prayers, if your father and Madame de Saint-Meran insist that M. d'Epinay should be called to-morrow to sign the contract" -

"Then you have my promise, Maximilian."

"Instead of signing" -

"I will go to you, and we will fly; but from this moment until then, let us not tempt providence, let us not see each other. It is a miracle, it is a providence that we have not been discovered. If we were surprised, if it were known that we met thus, we should have no further resource."

"You are right, Valentine; but how shall I ascertain?"

"From the notary, M. Deschamps."

"I know him."

"And for myself - I will write to you, depend on me. I dread this marriage, Maximilian, as much as you."

"Thank you, my adored Valentine, thank you; that is enough. When once I know the hour, I will hasten to this spot, you can easily get over this fence with my assistance, a carriage will await us at the gate, in which you will accompany me to my sister's; there living, retired or mingling in society, as you wish, we shall be enabled to use our power to resist oppression, and not suffer ourselves to be put to death like sheep, which only defend themselves by sighs."

"Yes," said Valentine, "I will now acknowledge you are right, Maximilian; and now are you satisfied with your betrothal?" said the young girl sorrowfully.

"My adored Valentine, words cannot express one half of my satisfaction." Valentine had approached, or rather, had placed her lips so near the fence, that they nearly touched those of Morrel, which were pressed against the other side of the cold and inexorable barrier. "Adieu, then, till we meet again," said Valentine, tearing herself away. "I shall hear from you?"

"Yes."

"Thanks, thanks, dear love, adieu!" The sound of a kiss was heard, and Valentine fled through the avenue. Morrel listened to catch the last sound of her dress brushing the branches, and of her footstep on the gravel, then raised his eyes with an ineffable smile of thankfulness to heaven for being permitted to be thus loved, and then also disappeared. The young man returned home and waited all the evening and all the next day without getting any message. It was only on the following day, at about ten o'clock in the morning, as he was starting to call on M. Deschamps, the notary, that he received from the postman a small billet, which he knew to be from Valentine, although he had not before seen her writing. It was to this effect: -

Tears, entreaties, prayers, have availed me nothing. Yesterday, for two hours, I was at the church of Saint-Phillippe du Roule, and for two hours I prayed most fervently. Heaven is as inflexible as man, and the signature of the contract is fixed for this evening at nine o'clock. I have but one promise and but one heart to give; that promise is pledged to you, that heart is also yours. This evening, then, at a quarter to nine at the gate.

Your betrothed,

Valentine de Villefort.

well... thats whats between valentine and maximilian.
the other chapt bet edmond and mercedes would only be good if other parts showing the relationship and seperation bet them. =(
wells... alexandre dumas is great. =)

201

2005-07-23T21:15:00.000+08:00

there's no-one left in the world
that i can hold onto
there is really no-one left at all
there is only you
and if you leave me now
you leave all that we were
there is really no-one left
you are the only one
                                     
and still the hardest part for you
to put your trust in me
i love you more than i can say
why won't you just believe?


the cure - trust

191

2005-07-13T21:52:00.000+08:00

=(
gots back bio but its like... freaking hell bad...
its like... knowing how to do but getting it wrong cos u were talking bout the wrong stuff... absolutely retarded. unforgivable... its unlike my math where i couldnt do cos i didnt know how to, at least the math is forgivable. but for bio, there was no reason for me to have gotten that many qns incorrect.
so, math is bad, bio was horrid.
chem is wonderful cos i somehow managed to... survive even though i was... @_@ expecting the worst already... yea.. and my 'miracle' chem was better than my bio, which i had put in the most effort for, all because i just didnt ans questions precisely... very very silly.
=(
if i keep this up... i will be seriously fucked and will lose the reason why i am even in a jc. or at least, this one. bad.

yea... and... hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy is... v cool. =)
depressing robot, mice, dolphins, 2 headed alien...
muahaha!
the point-of-view gun. makes ppl see things from your perspective, comissioned by the angry housewives committee. totally owned...
improbability drive...
the question to life... come back in 7500M years and i'll give you the answer... like wtf man... =S
oh, i have designed another computer to come up with the ultimate qn so i can come up with the ultimate answer............... O_o

188

2005-07-10T12:26:00.000+08:00

The Most Beautiful Flower

The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read beneath the long, straggly branches of an old willow tree. Disillusioned by life with good reason to frown, for the world was intent on dragging me down.

And if that weren't enough to ruin my day, a young boy out of breath approached me, all tired from play. He stood right before me with his head tilted down and said with great excitement, "Look at what I found!"

In his hand was a flower, and what a pitiful sight, with its petals all worn, not enough rain, or too little light. Wanting him to take his dead flower and go off to play, I faked a small smile and then shifted away.

But instead of retreating he sat next to my side and placed the flower to his nose and declared with overacted surprise, "It sure smells pretty and it's beautiful, too. That's why I picked it. Here, it's for you."

The weed before me was dying or dead. Not vibrant of colors, orange, yellow or red. But I knew I must take it, or he might never leave. So I reached for the flower, and replied, "Just what I need."

But instead of him placing the flower in my hand, he held it midair without reason or plan. It was then that I noticed for the very first time that weed toting boy could not see. He was blind.

I heard my voice quiver, tears shone like the sun as I thanked him for picking the very best one. "You're welcome," he smiled, and then ran off to play, unaware of the impact he'd had on my day.

I sat there and wondered how he managed to see a self pitying woman beneath an old willow tree. How did he know of my self indulged plight? Perhaps from his heart, he'd been blessed with true sight.

Through the eyes of a blind child, at last I could see the problem was not with the world. The problem was with me. And for all of those times I myself had been blind, I vowed to see the beauty in life, and appreciate every second that's mine.

And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose and breathed in the fragrance of a beautiful rose and smiled as I watched that young boy, another weed in his hand about to change the life of an unsuspecting old man.

from
http://www.doshur.com/th/stories_ran.asp?id=45

185 - k4 cds

2005-07-07T21:39:00.000+08:00

got my 3 cds frm - yesterday.

apparently, i was standing beside her all the time...
but beacuse of the possiblility of 2 hubbers messaging in an underground trainstation, the chance of message lag was. 1.

so... we stood there like sotongs for bout 5-10 mins and i didnt call her cos i thought she wasnt there yet... so... yea... @_@ i received her msg only after i LEFT the train station and was on the bus... yea.... gayish...
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)

yea! 1-2 more weeks i get 2 see again! yea!

=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)
=)

it seems that everythings is... less... bad...
@ least i got the 2 things i could keep and bring along to remind me of the things..

=)
=)
=)

Baby I guess I've only known you
Two days or so now
But I sure know that
Lady I want to hold you
For the rest of all time
Because I've realized
Just sitting here with you
Holding your hand I'm in paradise
Lost in your wonderland

On a moonlit summers night
We watch the ocean rolling in
I guess the time is right
To let this love begin

You showed me what I should have seen
I heard the words I'd only dreamed
I guess the time is right
To let this love begin

Baby we'll take a walk alone
And try to imagine
We're here forever
'Cause lady, the thoughts of leaving
Haunt the back of my mind
But I won't leave you behind
Let this love begin
It's holding us near
We're feeling no fear
The whole world is ours to share

=)
=)
=)

yea.. the sweet memories...
a 12 year old song that i 1st heard when i was k1...
=)
=)
=)
muahaha! okays....
=)
=)
=)

goodnight world!

183

2005-07-05T20:08:00.000+08:00

BABY CLASSIC

HULK HOGAN

HITLER

SHREK

FLASH

BATMAN

HELLBOY

AND DUE TO RECENT INITIAL D...
TRICYCLE DRIFTING KID...
DUNCH SAY I NPNT

COS I GPGT. THOUGH ITS SMALL... WAD 2 DO... 200KB GIF... =S
CAN DL AND ZOOM IT TO GET A BIGGET MORE BLUR PIC. =)

AND I TRUST TT THE PIC IS REALS. YEA!

MUAHAHA AND A FUNNY BEACH PIC. =)

yeaps... o yes... reading up on
Psychopathology of Everyday Life.. very cool book...
yeaps... =D
tml i am getting... LFO! yeah! and 2 other albums er... caught in the act, and one of westlife's early ones... =P
hope that the meeting won't be too long... hope tt ms ang doesnt have staff meeting... X_X

181

2005-07-03T23:35:00.000+08:00

deal with sm guy @ serangoon mrt this morning... =)
huat lar!

the count of monte cristo is getting more and more interesting... T_T

and dens... my decision is final! F and dun go!
*after randomness*

right? totally. i wont be stupid again. never again and ever again.

169 - funny quotes

2005-06-21T14:30:00.000+08:00

funny quotes... =)

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
- Mark Twain

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
- Emo Philips

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said 'no'.
- Woody Allen

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to rouse the interest, but long enough to cover the essentials.
- Ronald Knox

A hard man is good to find.
- Mae West

A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.
- Mae West

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man in the house is worth two in the street.
- Mae West

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
- Groucho Marx

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it is written on
- Sam Goldwyn

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.
- Woody Allen

If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
- John Wayne

If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
- David Brent

If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.
- David Brent

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
- Woody Allen

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
- Woody Allen

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
- George Burns

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.
- George Burns

I'm not a fighter, I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
- Woody Allen

I'm not normally a religious man, but... if you're up there, save me, Superman!
- Homer Simpson

Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed.
- Winston Churchill

Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde

An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.
- Mae West

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
- Woody Allen

Another such victory, and we are undone.
- Pyrrhus

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
- Groucho Marx

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.
- Mae West

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
- Woody Allen

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.
- Oliver Goldsmith

159

2005-06-11T22:10:00.000+08:00

yay! i got new york new york @ last. =)

start spreading the news...
i'm leaving today...
i want to be a part of it
new york new york...

haha. =)

the count of monte cristo is a pretty good book... i've still got 80% more to go. =)

3 cheers for sweet revenge. just waiting for edmond to take revenge on the 3 that put him in jail for 14 years for nothing that he had done(many many more if he didnt escape), which in the process, wrecked his life as he was arrested moments before his wedding. as such, his father died of grief while he was in prison, his wife waited hopelessly for 18months b4 marrying sm1 whom she was unhappy with (no 1 saw her smile aft tt marriage)

guess i wont be studying much for a couple of days... =(
only did a 5min readtru of ams and atomic struct... rather, a looktru... @_@
well wth,
proton no = electron no
neutron = mass - proton.
spdf.
pi and sigma.
er... crazy empirical formula stuff which i gotta find prev papers where i hoped i did proper presentation... that should be it... i hope...

157

2005-06-09T18:21:00.000+08:00

1) $5 book deal frm derrick yest. 32 crime stories
2) count of monte cristo $25.95
3) $9 life of pi frm ladymartini... excellent condition, apparently, she read her books like i do. no lines on spine. =) a brand new book costs $27... almost bought it but bought monte cristo instead... lucky me. =D
4) $4 wot bk 3.

yesterday, the swingboy tshirt mass order was cancelled due to.... picture size being too small... =(
so... k4 decided to mo prev tshirts... inc... ASGM + NMNHNLM. woohoo! all the better. yay!

and... the life of pi delivery... <3 ladymartini delivered the book on tt very day lar! she drove to my block @ bout 11pm @ night in her silver mazda 3. how often u see a lady with a good taste in cars, interest in graphic cards ( saw her prev posts), treats books with respect, and is pretty good looking. well, now i do know tt such women/woman exists. =P

i finished reading lazy ways to make a living today... funny and nice but... it'll be more appealing the the female readers cos... its more bout the guy. T_T yes and only to one phrase in the book. =( very very true phrase... it goes by smthing like.. shes dead and he can only dream about her... sad... but not as sad as my fav book. =( tts sadder. T_T

and as usual, i found more songs via a forum of nmnhnlm ppl. T_T
nmnhnlm butties. ='(
bon jovi's always
prev post's lifehouse - everything

and 1 tt i found myself,
super furry animals - juxtaposed with you.

now... i think i'll read count of monte cristo 1st. then life of pi... or maybe both together. =)

155

2005-06-07T22:55:00.000+08:00

find me here
speak to me
i want to feel you
i need to hear you
you are the light
that is leading me
to the place where
i find peace again
you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life to my soul
you are my purpose
you are everything
and how can i
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
you calm the storms
you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
would you take me deeper now
'cause you're all i want
you are all i need
you are everything
everything

152

2005-06-04T14:27:00.000+08:00

=P was surfing edmw and i came across a few pictures.... strictly not for ppl with heart probs or get frightened easily. =) had to re-adjust my tables for ez viewing... =P

sad... the last pic is static. its a gif. supposed to move... ne way, when u see it, just imagine him drumming his fingers on his knees and moving his head a little... or just save the image and view it. problem only occurs if you are using firefox. works fine on ie. =D

enjoy!

dedicated to a certain somebody. somebody. i'm not saying who. but u may know that person really well.

muahaha!

and this 2 pics are dedicated to another person. no offence dude but wth, i saw these 2 and just... yea... 1 was found surfing, other 1 was just in my com all along. =D

(the 1 in com, zx and vanessa has seen b4... i think...)

(the 1 i found)

cool eh... and more random pix. inc the 'BURN HIS HOUSE, BEAT HIS MOTHER' pic.

and 2 npnt pics. =D

146

2005-05-29T01:32:00.000+08:00

Apathy

Everything is just an illusion
Nothing is real
Nothing is worthy of anger
Nothing is worthy of happiness
Nothing is worthy of sadness.
Nothing.

to whomever who needs it:
weren't u living well before u knew him/her?

145

2005-05-28T13:19:00.000+08:00

i've just watched wicker park... and... i think that its is a pretty good movie... well... better than my fav butterfly effect. ='( though both are like... kinda trashy if u think about it but still...
(the only 100% non bs show tt i like is... a beautiful mind. sad eh? but a beautiful mind really is a good movie. inspiring, touching and all... showing what happened to john nash. great guy he is...)

goddammit. every damn main character in the show is a sad one.
alex being the T_T of all. followed by matt's friend, cant rmb his name, rebecca, and matt and lisa who eventually ended up together. wonderful.

a joyous depressing ending, coldplay's 'the scientist', made it... more... emotional. i could T_T to that song alone, not to say, putting it along with... =(

aye... alex... simply put it, it would suck to be her. seriously. i know how it feels like. suckier than matt's friend. well. unbelieveable the coincidence may be, but still... alex still confessed to lisa in the end which i thought was pretty 'wow' instead of running away as i thought she would. ( i would. =D but i wouldnt have done what she had done. aye. probably thats why my life isnt ' O_O OMGWTFBBQ' take it in and swallow it down i would.)

and fuck, noticed that i type like yoda i have. correct myself and get over the last starwars movie i will. o yes. and i seriously think that darth vader/ anakin is a good guy. T_T.
he just got twisted to the dark side by that ugly old monkey. his mum died in his arms and he couldnt do anything about it, he knows that his wife is going to die but he cant do anything about it. kinda sucky... and hence,
fear ( of losing his wife like he lost his mum and not being able to do nething @ all) leads to hate,
hate leads to anger( yea, the jedi council, obi-one and all),
anger leads to suffering( ugly monkey palpatine lied to him tt he killed padme accidentally in anger and he screams his repaired lungs out tru his respirator).
and suffering leads to the dark side!
poof! u got darth vader @ his meanest.

oh! and don't expect obi-one to pwn vader's ass like O_O. he just got raped cos of his arrogance and failure to heed master obi-one's advice. stupid boy. so... he lost his legs and got burnt. no hair and all ( not mammal liaos. haha!) so old ugly monkey palpatine rescued that 1/2 dead dude and 'made connections' to give him new legs and a hand. yea yea, basically tried to put C3PO and anakin together and u got the famous darth vader that every1 knows about.

moral of the story is... jedi council should allow anakin to be a jedi master, allow jedi to go forth and multiply, issue more cool purple mace windu's lightsabers instead of the usual blue and green. ( if u play kotor, u will will T_T @ the colours, cyan and purp being my fav. =D )

but due to the recent gay price +++, dont watch it on weekends or fridays. =) ex like hell. pain. T_T

142

2005-05-25T22:30:00.000+08:00

smile, smile like you mean it.
i swear i wont screw up again. u will not be disappointed anymore. this time, i think its do or die. i hope i can make it. i hope u will too. hope to see u soon. soon.

o yes... our existance causes suffering. the only way to end suffering is to end our existance. possible? existing is selfish. humans are not made to exist. we are here to co-exist. could co-existance then be 1 of our purpose? emotions. most emotions can only be felt in the presence of / due to others. if we are alone. we are nothing. but being in the presence of others does not necessary be better. sometimes 'things' are ameliorated when u are alone. not all though... joy is multiplied with company. very confusing... i'll figure this out...

139

2005-05-22T16:42:00.000+08:00

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

133

2005-05-16T19:34:00.000+08:00

cry and get stronger.
then, you'll never cry again.

if you've got something to do, look forward. never look back.

131

2005-05-14T13:11:00.000+08:00

fear not. when life gives u lemons, make lemonade. well, i am making my lemonade now. yay! soon, soon it'll be over. but how soon? six yrs ago i was... twelve. p6. tt seems like a long time. hope the next six passes quickly.

o yes, i've finished reading the time traveller's wife AND i am not gonna spoil it for those who have yet to read it. its a beautiful story and thats as far as i can go.

128

2005-05-11T21:05:00.000+08:00

please.
dont die on me again.
come back.
6 years.

121

2005-05-04T18:53:00.000+08:00

zzz.
3 times i went there to cut my hair, i got 3 diff hair all the time. X_X
1st time was okay. 2nd time was too long. 3rd time, now, is too short.
now, ... i look like army boy! knn! zzz. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. gy.

This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looked so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her, when she smiles

How many days in the year
She woke up with hope, but she only found tears
Actin' so insincere
Making the promises never for real
As long as she stands there waiting
Wearing the holes in soles of her shoes
How many days dissapear
You look in the mirror so how do you choose

Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls out quite the same way
You never seem to run out of things to say

This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looked so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her, when she smiles

How many lovers would stay
Just to put up with this **** day after day
How do we wind up this way
Watchin' the mouths for the words I would say
As long as we stand here waiting
Wearing the clothes of the soles I would choose
How do we get there today
If we're walkin' to far from the price of the shoes

Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls out quite the same way
You never seem to run out of things to say

This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looked so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her, when she smiles

Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls out quite the same way
You never seem to run out of things to say

This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her

This is the story of a girl
Who's pretty face she hid from the world
And while she looked so sad and lonely there
I absolutely love her

This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looked so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her, when she smiles

120

2005-05-03T21:53:00.000+08:00

BLACK

??Which colour of Death is yours??
brought to you by Quizilla

118

2005-05-01T13:48:00.000+08:00

new dance songs i've got.
=)
=)
new phone. =)
new leg.
new com fan.
old com problems.
new arm bruiseS.

hmmmm...
gots lots of shits coming up nxt week.
chem thingy, maths test, bio spa a, chem test, proposal... beautiful. =)

113

2005-04-26T19:27:00.000+08:00

"It's All Over But The Crying"

Everything you think you know baby
Is wrong
And everything you think you had baby
Is gone

Certain things turn ugly when you think too hard
And nagging little thoughts change into things you can't turn off
Everything you think you know baby
Is wrong

It's all over but the crying
Fade to black I'm sick of trying
Took too much and now I'm done
It's all over but the crying

Do you really think I'm made of stone baby?
C'mon!
That we only love the things we own?
Baby you're wrong

Certain things just happen when you make no plans
And love can really tear you up and it can break you down
Everything you think you know baby
Is wrong

It's all over but the crying
Fade to black I'm sick of trying
Took too much and now I'm done
It's all over but the crying

Baby we're done

If I could I would
I'd change everything
Cause I can't forget you though you don't believe me
Now I can't walk back
I can't leave behind
Where does it go all the light that we had?

Everything you think you know baby
Is wrong
And everything you think you had baby
Is gone

Baby we're done

111

2005-04-24T21:42:00.000+08:00

okays. the time traveller's wife is a really good book.
better than other books of similar genre.

110

2005-04-23T17:26:00.000+08:00

zzz... my chatterbox account vanished. gayness. zzz...
neways, finished reading 2nd book of wot.

started reading the time traveller's wife...
good book. the way it is written is... sweet.
beautiful story... and just like wot, i am despo to read more!
=D

this week was retarded, with all sorts retarded of stuffs happening.
VERY gay.
1) monday was sushi day. which was retarded cos i ate my own seaweed. (needed to eat some cos i didnt want to suffer on the white seat... but ended eating all... zzz...)
2) cant rmb which day, but the day with master tang
3) er... being viciously attacked my ghoul and an extremely lousy pincher. seriously, deb cant pinch for nuts. like, O_o was i supposed 2 feel anything @ all? the ghoul on the other hand is a terror. but my bruises are fading... yellow green. gross. and the giant bruise on my forearm, thanks to newbie @ cmpb is GONE. =D hurray!
4) friday, yesterday. sucked. cant rmb when it started sucking but i think was during a lect. i just felt sucky all of a sudden. real sucky. dammit. stupid lecture. good thing there wasnt much copying to do or it would have been worst.
5) oh yes! and the new co-op shelf shift is good! i can slack @ the back... and ppl cant see AT ALL.
6) upcoming weekly bio tests are gonna b wonderful!!! forcing me to study, even if its for 45mins that morning X_X, its still forcing me to revise and cover some stuff, which will mean that i will have more time to slack or read wot during the june hols.
7) er... end of mass pe!!! woohoo!!! gym = pullup, note singular. soon. =) but i kinda like mass pe. IF there arent grandstands involved.
8) ooo yes! gp mock!! the 3hrs werent that long after i chain slept lectures due to feeling sucky. and sleeping solves 99% of my problems, gp didnt feel that sucky! sweet!

103

2005-04-16T21:44:00.000+08:00

mashiara. the most appropriate 'word' that i have learnt. simply... beautiful.
yep. look up the wheel of time's glossary. =)

99

2005-04-12T19:37:00.000+08:00

yeah! i feel much better today!
proof that my plan works!
woohoo!!

whats more... i passed 2.4! yeah! i am just left with pullups. just need 4.5 more. =P

even better, new techno and trance album out... ages since the previous release...
only a few tracks are nice... but wth! its electronic music! i miss electronica =(
too much non-electronic music lately... zzz...

electronica sounds... absoultely wonderful on my sony plugs. totally sweet.
happy happy. =)

98

2005-04-11T16:59:00.000+08:00

its done.
i finally managed to burn it, though not completely...
well, its gone and thats what matters.
goodbye.
i hope never to see you again. ever.

96

2005-04-09T20:12:00.000+08:00

the end is scheduled.
next given opportunity.
it must be done.
nothing will stop me now.

it was attempted but it failed.
i couldnt do it previously.
but nothing will stop me now.
not even myself.

but now, now is the right time.
things are happening that are implying...
showing and convincing me that it can be done.
it can be done.

1) believe.
2) follow through.
3) no regrets.

and yes, i finally made the effort to look for alexisonfire's lyrics...
i needed some help understanding their screamig... and i understand now, why its screamo.
screaming gets the message across. in their case. beautiful, though not many would appreciate it.

"Pulmonary Archery"

Let's go!
It's never too late to be early
Or try and maintain
Some scrap of integrity and certainty
I guess.

(My fingers)
Won't apologize
(Are blistered and bleeding)
And 1977...
Was a long time
(Was a long time)
Time ago
(Time ago)
I don't care.

I don't care how things
Were and I won't
Apologize.
I won't apologize.
Fuck you.

And the alamo penetrated
And there is little hope
For the white man so
Hop on your rainbow
And ride...

(My fingers)
So I'll ride it into
(Are blistered and bleeding)
And ride into oblivion
For all I care
(There's no longer)
You could be early
(Discomfort)
Or late
(That you brought)
Whatever!

"44. Caliber Love Letter"

Sifting through weathered photo albums
(Does it make a difference?)
Looking for gloriously aged polaroids
(This is the way it is)
(You think it really would make a difference? Would I hang on the beach in perfect black and hide?)
Of places you've never been.
(I broke through this hollow shell that once held me so tight I couldn't breathe)
A place to accept you don't exist
(Come with me, jump off the edge)

"Smile for the camera sweetheart. I really wanna immortalize the moment."
Just remember the first step in forgetting
Is destroying all the evidence.
With friends like you,
Who needs subtext?
Sub. Text. Sub. Text.

This is a .44 caliber love letter straight from my heart.

With a gun, make your shot.
Let's hope for better shit.
(Straight {straight!} from {from!} my {my!} heart {heart!})
That reason for separation.
(Straight {straight!} from {from!} my {my!} heart {heart!})
Straight from... my... heart.
Christened by your bullet.
I'm losing patience.
Well I guess...
It's my own fault.

Don't remember.
Don't remember.
Don't... remember.
Don't!

90

2005-04-03T20:53:00.000+08:00

okays. chem mind map finished. i think... will check for errors.

argh. yesterdays ptm made me damn guilty. =(
lasted 5 mins. but it was long enuff to make me feel tt i havent been putting enuff effort in my work. well... i will try my very best to work harder. yes, seriously i will. i need to and i must! arghh!!

aft ptm, i went to tpy, bot stuff with mum, carried stuff home and she went off, to where i forgot.
which ment tt i was @ tpy alone. waiting for 73 alone. which is dangerous. dammit. should have walked over to the 105 bus-stop. zzz.
being alone @ the 73 waiting area, i had a clear clear view of the 235, 232 waiting area. and being alone, zzz, i had no1 in my near vicinity to occupy my mind with except for... yea, X.
so, i began thinking bout X, which totally screwed up my project X. dammit. dammit. dammit! DAMMIT! aye... i am pathetic. evan evan, what have u become. i am weak. weak weak weak.
i recalled the times when tt 73 waiting area was a happy place. note, was. aye. crap. stupid 73. stupid tpy. basket chicken shit. pathetic i am. absolutely pathetic. satisfaction from 60s extra spent with X almost everytime i was there what made tt place so wonderful to me. pathetic? absolutely. and my damn com had to die on me when i got home, which ment tt i had no dota to brainwash myself. so, the next best thing was to sleep on it. i think i slept after sending val sm songs on my working com. yea. i love sleeping. =)

sleeping solves most of my problems so... yea, i woke up feeling much much better. =)
and i had malcom in the middle + simpsons. =)
ahhh... absolutely wonderful my weekends are with my 2 fav tv shows.

and nxt week is kinda sucky.
wed suck
thurs suck
fri suck
=( 60% of my weekdays are sucky.
okay. gotta go do my xtra chem hw. =( =((( and then tml morning do maths O_o i hope. bleah. gheyness. hardworking i will try to be. mmmh. me no speak like yoda, do i?

86

2005-03-30T19:44:00.000+08:00

Time has run out, for me, everything's distant and I don't know what to believe
It's so hard, lost in the world's confusion and I need to leave
For awhile, life is so meaningless there is nothing worth a smile
So goodbye, I'll miss you....I'm sorry, but this is my fate, everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay
And I'm sorry, but I've waited too long, so here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me, I'm not worth any tears...
It's been the years, of abuse, neglected to treat the disorder that's controlled my youth
For so long, I'm in a fleshy tomb burried up above the ground
It's no use, why should I hold on it's been five years don't need one more
So goodbye, life's abuse...

81

2005-03-25T11:03:00.000+08:00

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same

80

2005-03-24T16:46:00.000+08:00

sad. tim and ray knew bout mcr last year. sad.
and my 3 day old friendster pic with mrs tay is attracting too much attention. hahaha. =)

today nice. long weekend. =) shiokness.

okay. the butterfly effect vcd has a different ending.
sadder cos he committed suicide (in an even harder to believe way)...
he died despite knowing that his mum already had 3 miscarriages, all still born. reason? DUH?
her previous children committed suicide. the only way to end everything.
but, kalie and tommy lived normally cos their mother didnt die.
lenny was ok and married kalie. T_T

original ending was just that he told kalie, 'don't ever let me see you again or i'll kill u.'
but didnt really show the childhood events that happened after that.
but he wasnt close to kalie and tommy anymore.
he burnt his journals and carried on living w/o kalie in his life.
and ended with him seeing kalie later in life but choosing to ignore her in fear of more probs...

yep. thats it. cool cos i know how its like to screw up SOMETHING MAJOR when trying to get EVERYTHING right time and again. AND main character has my name! which makes it 2 times cooler. =)

77

2005-03-21T20:19:00.000+08:00

spent. again.
headache @ that dreaded spot.
i am kinda freaked out. X_X
might go for an x-ray, get my head scanned.

ahhh got my dearest mp3 back. =)
listened to my newly aquired sixpence none the richer.
kiss me. there she goes. loser like me. nice songs. dont dream its over. never knew that they did these songs. but now i know. =)
very very nice songs...

Kiss Me

Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.

[Chorus:]
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

Kiss me down by the broken tree house
Swing em upon its hanging tire
Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat
We'll take the trail marked on your father's map

[Chorus (repeat)]

and...

There she goes

There she goes
There she goes again
Racing through my brain
And I just can't contain
This feeling that remains

There she goes
There she goes again
Pulsing through my veins
And I just can't contain
This feeling that remains

There she goes
There she goes again
Racing through my brain
And I just can't contain
This feeling that remains

There she goes
There she goes again
She calls my name,
Pulls my train
No one else could heal my pain
And I just can't contain
This feeling that remains

There she goes
There she goes again
Chasing down my lane
And I just can't contain
This feeling that remains

There she goes
There she goes
There she goes

and...

Dont Dream Its Over

There is freedom within, there is freedom without
Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost
But you'll never see the end of the road
While you're traveling with me

Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won't win

Now I'm towing my car, there's a hole in the roof
My possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof
In the paper today tales of war and of waste
But you turn right over to the T.V. page

Now I'm walking again to the beat of a drum
And I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart
Only shadows ahead barely clearing the roof
Get to know the feeling of liberation and relief

Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
Don't ever let them win

75

2005-03-19T22:44:00.000+08:00

simpsons and malcom was not aired cos of some gay movie. titan a.e.
z
z
z

so i played kotor 2. =)
kinky.

about to finish my wot bk 1.
great book. =)
erm, more attention grabbing than lotr.
events happen faster. i mean, less slowly. =)

yep.
looks like i am not so addicted to my com liaos... =)
yeah! i dont need my com so much nemore. totally cool.

with less time spent on my com, it means that my hw should be more complete in term 2.
hopefully. com bad. bad com.

drown myself in schwork.
only way out since com cant really help me kill time.
need to find more ways to keep my mind occupied.
dammit.

72

2005-03-16T20:43:00.000+08:00

damn sian.
1) booby man sucks. u get scared frm the ultra surround sound additional screams.
2) kungfu hustle is entertaining. =)
3) constantine is... nice. special effects are awesome. T_T
4) spongebob squarepants is... ultra lame(as in omfg wtf bbq lame). ultra funny. ultra CUTE. ultra entertaining. patrick is damn damn... adorable. patrick > spongebob
5) son of the mask is... soso...

zzz
holidays are killing me.
uber bored.
did most of my chem hw.
can slack. then weekend do bio. =D

wa hahaha! the spongebob ost is... damn nice. haha so cute.
sianssss...
and my old com is still hot, 72 degrees cpu temperature. imagine w/o my fan. at least 90.
but old com bios not so good as new com. only can show cpu temp. zzz...
new com = 42 degrees cpu. gayness.

68

2005-03-12T18:12:00.000+08:00

yeah!
365 days of shittiness is over. gogo evan!

yesterday, aft sch, like aft aft every gay thing we had, hitched a ride frm foo to town with tessa.
then, foo asked where was i going and with who and then, i ended up having dinner with januar pin bra val and foo! =) the noodles we had @ katong were... superb. tau huay was good too.
and the girls were looking desperately for chickens. X_X

today, was totally RETARDED.
my brain is degenerating. zzz... gayness.
was supposed to meet val and hy @ bish @ 130. NOTE 130.
unfortunately i failed DIGITAL clock reading and saw 1155 as 1255. and rushed to bish @... 1230.
gay. got hy down earlier and makan. =) then val is late!!! yay!!! for once i am NOT the late one. i rock! =) ah hahahaha! pass her mp3, den go suntec.
THE ALTEC LANSING 5.1 SPEAKER SYSTEM IS GODLY. $199. sibei gian. but i force myself not to buy. thank god. but i would if i haf $$$, (if com didnt die). zzz.
sound delivery is crisp and clear. bass was full and powerful.
and @ $199, it IS a great deal. pity i havent got much cash. hais...
and the $109 mp3 player. 512mb.
YES. 512mb for $109. lcd screen, voice recorder... $15 more for built in fm radio.
and creative is selling stuff with similar functions @ twice the price. wtf? fuck creative's flash based mp3 players. and that includes the insanely overpriced shuffle.
1 bad thing. i dont like the looks. my plain 64mb one looks nicer.
so i didnt buy any of those... but still sibei gian the speakers. =S
bought a fan for my com.
$5
=D

i rock.

66

2005-03-10T17:43:00.000+08:00

i'm spent.
i sleep alot but i wake up feeling tired.
i need a break.
good thing next week is free.
just 2 more days and its all over.
2 more days. just 2.

64

2005-03-08T20:43:00.000+08:00

hair feels farny. zzz
back like nv cut properly. feels long. zzz...
gy. lousy hairdresser. knn. my prev 1 was so much better and nicer. =)
neways. i feel extremely tired today. like. drained of energy.
aye. after this week all will be fine. after this month, all should be superb.
great job so far for 2 mths. 1 more month to go.
then i would have cleared more than 365 days.
which is the time assigned. which is half the time ~.
should be okay after it. must be.
must not be affected.
must not falter. must not fail.

62

2005-03-06T09:02:00.000+08:00

visited hardwarezone.
see the posts of an insane overclocker...
running @ 3 ++ ghz.
and his com temperature is less den ZERO DEGREES.
phase change cooling. insane.
and i am only @ fans. =(
and i thought water cooling was godlike.
water cooling is NOTHING!
hais...............

AND MY COM DIED. ZZZZZZZZZZ
LAZY TO BLOG DETAILS.
aye... she tires me out. =(
but she is still alive. =)
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
reformatted com.
lost 2 gigs of audio cos i lazy to copy out.
lost internet links. DAMMIT!!
=(
my forumssss =(
torrent search site@ fuck! DIE BALLS. SHIT. ZZZ.

61

2005-03-05T19:40:00.000+08:00

Bloc Party - Like Eating Glass

It's so cold in this house
Open mouth swallowing us
The children staying home from school
Will not stop crying

And I know that you're busy too
I know that you care
You got your finger on the pulse
You got your eyes everywhere
And it hurts all the time when you don't return my calls
And you haven't got the time to remember how it was
It's so cold in this house
It's so cold in this house

I can't eat, I can't sleep
I can't sleep, I can't dream
An aversion to light
Got a fear of the ocean

Like drinking poison, like eating glass

It's so cold in this house
Come and show me how it was

We've got crosses on our eyes
Been walking into the walls again
We've got crosses on our eyes
Been walking into the furniture
We've got crosses on our eyes
For richer, for poorer, for better, for worse
We've got crosses on our eyes
We've been walking into the furniture

60

2005-03-04T19:51:00.000+08:00

godlike.
let me list the happy things tt happened to me today. =)
1) graphics card can save my darling.
2) later.
3) i bought geforce mx 5200. $119
4) i set up a wireless network @ home. $127 (bundled with gfmx, $1 cheaper. @_@)
5) bought my gosu barracuda mousepad. $8

2) i pass chinese. PRICELESS.

weeeee! i kinda feeeel like retaking the chinese paper. for the fun balls of it. haha.
june waste $20 to try my luck @ the damn paper! weeee! see how 1st.

with the new card, my wife is ALIVE!
AND HOT! literally hot.
the damn card is freaking hot. imagine if i use 32bit quality... it will burn out.
will go sls to get fanssss. =) cool down this hot baby.

barracuda lite mousepad = another great buy.
smooth like hell. damn shiok. =)

after passing my chinese, i need to be nice 2 ppl for 2 weeks. and go vegen for 2 weeks.
but fellow friends, if u see me eating meat, its the fine print u didnt read. i get to eat 1 serving of meat everyday. that is IF u catch me eating my protein. if my carnivorism goes un-noticed, it is as though i DIDNT eat meat that day. =)
c'mon! i have to lie between my teeth! that is a torture! my meat eating is justified. the more untruthful i am, the more meat i get to eat.

let meat eating = M
and lying = L

M directly proportional to L. (the sign wouldnt turn up. zzzzzzzzzz)

yeah?
i will still be nice. =)
WATCH ME!
so 'PRETTY' wanting says i cant be nice. well, i can be sarcastically nice. and irritate ppl to death!
THAT is something worth being 'NICE' for.
***
argh! zen micro price drop. now its similar to the ipod mini's price. zzz. gayness.
must resist. ARGH! how can my retribution come so fast! HOW?! NOOOOOOO!!

59

2005-03-03T21:25:00.000+08:00

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY WIFE = FATALITY!!!
I MUST SAVE HERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

GOD HELP ME. PLEASE REVIVE HER, I BEG U!
THIS 'NEW' COM = PUSSY SHIT.

=(
monitor just won't turn on properly. DAMMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wtf is balls wrong!
=( damn connection faulty.
wad i am afraid of is... IF a new grapics card cant solve the problem. =(
help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

57

2005-03-01T17:41:00.000+08:00

Paradox of Life.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have
taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider
freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend
more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families; more
conveniences, but less time; we have more
degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but
less judgment; more experts, but more problems;
more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too
recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too
angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too
tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and
pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced
our values. We talk too much, love too seldom,
and hate too often. We've learned how to make a
living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not
life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but
have trouble crossing the street to meet the new
neighbor. We've conquered outer space, but not
inner space. We've done larger things, but not
better things. We've cleaned up the air, but
polluted the soul. We've split the atom, but not our
prejudice.

We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but
accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to
wait. We build more computers to hold more
information to produce more copies than ever, but
have less communication.

These are the times of fast food and slow
digestion; tall men and short character; steep
profits and shallow relationships. These are the
times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more
leisure, but less fun; more kinds of foods, but less
nutrition.

These are the days of two incomes, but more
divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are the days of quick trips, disposable
diapers, throw-away morality, one-night stands,
over weight bodies, and pills that do everything
from cheer to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the show window
and nothing in the stockroom.

by George Carlin

56

2005-02-28T21:45:00.000+08:00

gayness. bio = gay. gp = not that gay but cos its gp, its gay.

muahaha! com is alive! =)
listening to carpenters... best of, but only a few i listen to. =) mmmhh its nice. v v pleasant. yesterday once more is like... cool. and sing. i like sing alot. no freaking idea why but i just do. X_X
sing~ sing a song~~ hahaha! and the parts where the kids are singing!!! !!!!! damn nice lar!
and the killers is good.
esp somebody told me. =) okay. only somebody told me.
caesar's palace - subhuman girl is good.
a static lullaby is good.
mest is good
the used is good.
goldfinger is good.
bloc party is good.
wheatus is good. i like their new album name!!! Suck Fony. which clearly = Fuck Sony. this i think is totally cool. =) their songs just left me speechless. esp lemonade. totally X_X

haha dammit. too many bands i listen to. X_X
i need good trance albums now!!! argh!!! too many rock songs already... i miss NEW electronic music. =(
and i still cant find alexisonfire's first album. they have cool song titles. hais...

55

2005-02-27T20:04:00.000+08:00

gayness.
ct is gay. no i mean just the gp thingy is gay. rest is kinda okays.
finished my bio. read abit of chem... like erm... balls... zzz... tml chiong chem. wednesday chiong maths. yeah! den wed i will get back my hd. =) mmmmmhh hd......
i desperately need my hd. =(
i am down to 6.5 gigs free. cant stand it. need to @ least see 8 gigs free. =)
3 more days till wed! arrrr!!!

argh! lucky chem only got 3 topics. and the bigger one we revise constantly. lucky chem got no chemical ENERGETICS. <= totally shitty topic. yep. now its maths tt i am afraid of. cant rmb shit about trigo. dammit.
bio? goh and chin revealing topics like that COULD mean that.... questions are gonna be killers. X_X especially with goh setting the paper, he would set killer questions anyway! zzz.

hmmm.... well, next week is fun. then i will get screwed by co-op and es. then we got the damn 'holiday' balls. zzz. eat nuts man. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

53

2005-02-25T08:48:00.000+08:00

right... did SOME work this week... zzz... shit man...
okay. ipod mini price DROP!!! by $110 omfgwtf? yes. OMFGWTF! and its battery life is buffed!! increased to 18hrs frm 8 hrs. sweet! now lets watch creative follow. its a pretty good move by apple to screw iriver up. totally sweet. muahaha!
gogo creative! make the zen micro <$300!!! and flash based mp3s <$150!!! woohoo!

and... ipod mini photo and zen micro photo is coming soon... probably next mth or next next mth...
=) fun to watch. @_@

******************

The Used - "I'm A Fake"

[Spoken:]
Small, simple, safe price
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets
This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals
And I am not afraid to die
I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight.
I want the pain of payment
What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts
Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand fucks?
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid
To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter
I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart
Love is not like anything
Especially a fucking knife

Look at me, you can tell
By the way I move and do my hair
Do you think that it's me or it's not me?
I don't even care
I'm alive
I don't smell
I'm the cleanest I have ever been.
I feel big, I feel tall, I feel dry (dry)

[Chorus:]
Just look at me, look at me now
I'm a fake [x4]
Just look at me, look at me now
I'm a fake [x4]

Do I drink? Do I date?
I've got perfect placement all my ink
Satisfied, in your eyes
I'm the biggest fan I've got right now
I made sure, that I look how I wanted to look
The people around me, the people surround me
I feel big, I feel tall, I feel dry (dry)

[Chorus]

My stomach hurts now, and all tied off in lace
I pray, I beg for anything, to hit me in the face
and this sicknes isn't me, I pray to fall from grace
The last thing I see is feeling
And I'm telling you I'm a fake [x4]
And I'm telling you I'm...

[Chorus]

49

2005-02-21T19:33:00.000+08:00

=P dug out my mp3 discs and listened to songs i used to listen to two years ago... totally cool. =)

Joey McIntyre - Stay the Same

Don't you ever wish
you were someone else
you were meant to be the way
you are exactly

Don't you ever say
you don't like the way u are
when you learn to love yourself
you're better off by far

and I hope you always stay the same...
'cuz there's nothin of you I would change

I think that you could be
whatever you want to be
if you could realize
all the dreams you have inside
don't be afraid if you've got something to say
just open up your heart
and let it show you the way

Dont you ever wish
you were someone else
you were meant to be
the way you are exactly

Don't you ever say
you don't like the way you are
when you learn to love yourself
you're better off by far

and I hope you always stay the same...
'cuz there's nothin 'bout you I would change

Believe in yourself
reach down inside
the love you find
will set you free

Believe in yourself
you'll come out right
have faith in what you do
you'll make it through

Don't you ever wish
you were someone else
you were meant to be the way (you were meant to be)
you are exactly

Don't you ever say
you don't like the way you are (whew)
when you learn to love yourself (love yourself)
you're better of by far

and I hope you always stay the same...
(stay the same)
'cuz there's nothin of you I would change (change)
no there's nothin' 'bout you I would change
(don't change)

47

2005-02-19T10:33:00.000+08:00

mcr... is damn good.
their new music vid helena is... wow.
no one would have expected to see a dance... dance in a rock mtv.
absolutely beautiful...
the ballet dancer, helena... ah the part when she held the bouquet to her chest and fell back into the coffin... aye...
and u could feel gerard when he sang...
ahhh.... and the umbrella dance...
and the hearse...

beautifully made video. much better than the already cool previous one.

zzz... i seriously need 2 find some time to go to hmv... fucking meeting yesterday made it impossible... dammit...
more cool bands i have been intro'ed
1st its mcr
then its bright eyes and mest and the used... and a static lullaby... totally cool. =)
ahhh... i am despo for the mcr cd.. argh!
btw, i found out bout yellowcard myself!!! like last november. and NIN's hurt from a forum post by a depressed guy requesting for depressing songs...
mcr!!! argh!!! still rmb tt time i went hmv and it was bloody sold out. dammit man.
shitballs.

bright eyes!!!
buay tahan, must post lyrics... its bout a 'ons'. aye... it sounds better than it looks. =)

Bright Eyes - "Take It Easy (Love Nothing)"

First with your hands and then with your mouth
A downpour of sweat, damp cotton clouds
was a fool, you were my friend
We made it happen
You took off your clothes, left on the light
You stood there so brave
You used to be shy
Each feature improved, each movement refined and eyes like a showroom
Now they are spreading out the blankets on the beach
That weatherman is a liar
He said it would be raining but it is clear and blue as far as I can see

Left by the lamp, right next to the bed,
on a cartoon cat pad you scratched with a pen,
"Everything is as it has always been.
This never happened.
Don't take it so bad it is nothing you did.
It's just once something dies you can't make it live.
You are a beautiful boy.
You're a sweet little kid but I am a woman."
So I laid back down and wrapped myself up in the sheet
And I must have looked like a ghost because something frightened me
and since then I've been so good at vanishing

Now I do as I please and lie through my teeth
Someone might get hurt, but it won't be me
I should probably feel cheap but I just feel free...
and a little bit empty
No, it isn't so hard to get close to me
There will be no arguments
We will always agree
And I will try and be kind when I ask you to leave
We will both take it easy
But if you stay too long inside my memory,
I will trap you in a song tied to a melody
and I will keep you there so you can't bother me

46

2005-02-18T18:37:00.000+08:00

fuck the ideas of es.
fuck their impractical thinking.
fuck them for they made my day worst.
balls to them.

wtf? do they even think about how their fucking ideas work?
do they even THINK and imagine how things work? wtf?
okay, some stuff they said are useful. but some are just completely impractical. fucking shit balls.

45

2005-02-17T18:46:00.000+08:00

haha, now my panasonic earphones feel uncomfortable! =)
i <3 my sony n.u.d.e =)

bright eyes is another good band!
listening to bloc party and mest. they are pretty good too.

**************

Bright Eyes - "Easy/Lucky/Free"

did it all get real, i guess it's real enough
they got refridgerators full of blood
another century spent pointing guns
at anything that moves
sometimes i worry that i've lost the plot
my twitching muscles tease my flippant thoughts
i never really dreamed of heaven much
until we put him in the ground
but it's all i'm doing now
listening for patterns in the sound
of an endless static sea
but once the satellite's deceased
it blows like garbage through the streets
of the night sky to infinity
but don't you weep (don't you weep for them)
there is nothing as lucky
don't you weep
there is nothing as lucky, as easy, and free

don't be a criminal in this police state
you better shop and eat and procreate
you got vacation days then you might escape
to a condo on the coast
i set my watch to the atomic clock
i watch the crowd count down til the bomb gets dropped
i always figured that there'd be time enough
i never let it get me down
but i can't help it now
looking for faces in the clouds
i got some friends i barely see
but we're all planning to meet
we'll lay in bags as dead as leaves
all together for eternity
but don't you weep
there is no one as lucky
honey, don't you weep
there is nothing as lucky, as easy, or free

43

2005-02-15T17:05:00.000+08:00

Deepest Blue - Is it a sin?

Is it a sin, to love again?
I cannot win, this pain's not fair
And yes I climbed the highest mountain
And yes I painted you a pretty sky
Now you say its over

Forgot to tell you I am sorry
Never had the time to lie
Now its like a sad old story
Why do lovers always cry
I never had the time to worry
I never had the time to try
Now you say its over

Is it a sin, to love again?
You broke me in
This won't repair

And yes I fell for you so madly deeply
And yes I want to hold you by my side
Now you say its over

Forgot to tell you I am sorry
Never had the time to lie
Now its like a sad old story
Why do lovers always cry
I never had the time to worry
I never had the time to try
Now you say its over
And now you say it's over

And yes I want to tell you I am angry
And yes I need to look you in the eye
Cause you said its over

Forgot to tell you I am sorry
Never had the time to lie
Now its like a sad old story
Why do lovers always cry
I never had the time to worry
I never had the time to try
Now you say its over
Now you say its over
Now you say its over

Is it a sin, to love again?

42

2005-02-14T17:38:00.000+08:00

THE 2004 DARWIN AWARDS

Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again. It's an annual honour given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.

And the nominees this year in reverse order are.....

7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was aproximately 6' 2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearin g a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward. (Damn it...I want pictures!!!)

5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreakage with their pants around their ankles.

4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County polic e said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.

2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

AND THE WINNER OF THE 2004 DARWIN AWARD SHOULD BE....

Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the b all washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to le ave the course. NOTE: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.

-article from kontraband.
*************************************
lol this is good... and... i survived today! nice. 2/3 done. 1 more mth to go.

day 40

2005-02-12T19:51:00.000+08:00

OMG.

THE SONY N.U.D.E EX 71 EARPHONES ARE GODLY!!!
ITS REALLY LIKE HAVING MINI SUBWOOFERS IN MY EARS!!! OMG!!
THE BASS IS... OMG... OMG...
JUST IMAGINE HOW THE SHURE EARPHONES SOUND... @ 3-4X THE PRICE OF MY SONY NUDE.EX... OMG...

but its kinda gay... my earphones cost more than my current mp3... lol...
didnt get my mp3 cos val didnt want to get it yet...
means... can wait till next month's sitex fair! woohoo!
after our common test summore... shiok... =)
then maybe i got enuff money to get a better mp3 player... =)

ok. back to my NUDE.EX... hunt around for it like siao... lowest quote was cash $66...
but the shop val was buying her cam also sold the earphones! (but @ $70)
so... under a single receipt, my earphones costs $65!!
woohoo! save $1! lolx!
but if i knew bout the quality of the earphones, like tested it out, it wouldnt matter much if i had to pay $70 for it... its THAT GOOD.

the only flaw... it has a stethoscope effect... however u spell it...
when i walk and when the wires move around too much, i hear some noise made frm the moving wires... X_X gay but cool.

YEAH!!! the noise reduction is godly... i cant hear my keyboard when i type, i cant hear anything else except for whats playing!! omg! and i dont have to blast the volume!!! shiokness...
now my electronic music sound so much much much nicer... its like super beefed up trance/dance. godly... and rock? rock just sounds slightly better, its electronic music that really becomes 10x better...
oh yes, and they give a cute little sony pouch. =)

yeah! i am a happy man!
might consider buying the class vday gifts. mmhhh...

*my phone rang in front of me and i cant hear it. i <3 my earphones... mmmmhhh...

ok. now the everything i did 2day. =) met hy, went sls, he got quotation for his com... gosu com... insane... 2k cpu alone... aye, its just INSANE. yeahs. then lp and val came... shop for val's cam... and diff shops all offer diff prices, like my earphones, damn gay but cool. =)
pretty cool cam. =) but not as cool as my godly earphones.
nothing beats my earphones! yea, unless someone comes up to me with the shure earphones... =)
ok, this is totally sweet. if i get the new com in my room, i am sooo gonna buy a 2.1 speaker system for it... maybe even 5.1. lol.. then its my hifi + the 5.1 system. OWNAGE! then i gotta get a sound card to support the 5.1 =) muahaha! sweet....
yeah!
happy happy happy happy happy!
the smartest thing i have bought since my $39 mp3 and my $99 hdd. =)

day 39

2005-02-11T23:00:00.000+08:00

arh! friday!
gay day cos it spoils the new year mood that i built up. =(
but... i have finished ALL my hw. yes, ALL my hw. cool bo?
yeahs! tml go sls buy gosu earphones... i desperately need good earphones
i need 2 be isolated away frm stuffs when i listen to my music.
i dont wanna hear anything else.

and... its in-ear earplugs... so... its kinda gross =) so ppl will think twice before pulling the plugs and sticking them in their own ears... muahahahaha...
i still think its gross... but cool! =)

okays... after sch, zx cs and i went to er tpy for lunch! and we talked... ahem.
then cs left as zx's friend came and we talked.... ahem ahem ahem.
=)
then that was all! =)

day 36

2005-02-08T23:00:00.000+08:00

Taking Back Sunday - "Slowdance On The Inside"

Passed out in our school clothes so we'd wake up in our Sunday's best
I never asked for your opinion, I just got it and I get it
You move slow like daytime drama
And I'm boring like his songs
So while I'm taking you for granted
We'll be humming along

Well cross my heart and hope to...
I'm lying just to keep you here
So reckless (so reckless), so,
So thoughtless (so thoughtless)
So careless, I could care less

Well cross my heart and hope to...
I'm lying just to keep you here
(So reckless)
Well she's so heartless,
And I could care less

So paint your face up something elegant
And this town maybe a darker shade of red
Cause a long night means a fist fight
Against your pillow and my pearly whites
I want to hear you scream you like me better on my knees
So let us pray
(we don't believe in second chances)
So let us pray

Don't you ask me
Don't you move (anywhere)

Cross my heart and hope to
I'm lying just to keep you here
So reckless (so reckless), so,
So thoughtless (so thoughtless)
So careless, I could care less

Well Cross my heart and hope to
I'm lying just to keep you here
(So reckless)
Well she's so heartless
And I could care less

Well cross my heart and hope to
I'm lying just to keep you here (I'll keep you here, I'll keep you here)

One of us never did it but we're taking it all.
And tell me why you never promised that you wanted it all.
And her eyes never batted when she said it
It's a long night, open, know it...

This glass house is burning down (open all night, know it...)
You light the match, I'll stick around (open all night, know it...)
I'll give you everything you want (open all night, know it...)
And wish the worst of what I was (open all night, know it...)

This glass house is burning down (open all night, know it...)
You light the match, I'll stick around (open all night, know it...)
I'll give you everything you want (open all night, know it...)
And wish the worst of what I was (open all night, know it...)

Tonight won't make a difference
Tonight won't make a difference
Tonight won't make a difference
Well tonight won't make a difference
Well tonight won't make a difference
Tonight won't make a difference
Tonight won't make a difference
Well tonight won't make a difference

*********************

okays... i am liking taking back sunday more and more... =) they are good! as good as yellowcard!
ok... cny celebration... pretty cool... =)
and i am sorry that i irritated someone alot... =)... =(
sorry hor, u know who u are. =(

ok! aft sch! chiong to bish! zzz but was late sucks gay shit....
yay! ok, last day to be evil so.................................

this is what happened today...

3 UNKNOWN PEOPLE. A , B AND C
they are highly hilarious.
A = SCREAM KILLER
B = ROFLMAO UNIMPORTANT
C = NINJA TURTLE

note that A and C can grow oranges from their head. (oranges blurred too)
they have powers that none of us can imagine!! arrrr

being a kind soul, i have blurred their faces...
i take good care of ppl who view my blog.
this is a safety feature which will protect yer eyes.
cny sore eye, suay lar. hence, my kindness.

day 34

2005-02-06T17:40:00.000+08:00

i got a sore throat...
frm eating freshly baked burnt cookies
yes, i am that despo. but its still kinda edible... =)
sucks =(

cny coming... zzz...
i want last year's cny!!!
mmmh last year's cny.... mmmmhhh

wad did i dooo?
- the same thing i do every year and...
- visit poi poi hse
- visit various other friends hses...

mmmhh...
poi poi.... i miss poi poi... =)
went to his hse and play with the school's giant camera... damn cool....
den @ hui hui hse gamble with 10c. =) gay but time killing...
arh... this year cny will not be nice =(
got to read gay bio cos of goh... =(
how can he be so sadistic!!!
c'mon! its cny!!! its a HOLIDAY!
how can u make us study during holidays!!!
how?! arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

nvm, just 2 more mths to go and all should be fine... hais...
every1 so sad nowadays... hais... j2 is not as fun as j1
=( cheeken neh neh... i want mr chua back!!!
when we had him, all was so fine, tuts were so cool. he just went tru tuts and we knew wad we were supposed to know... practs are cool, cos we also knew wad we are supposed 2 know... lects were cool cos he isnt a bullet train... slow and steady he is... i miss mr chua =(
mr goh is constantly cheating us!!! ARGH!!!
next time, i will try to read the lect notes b4 lects and tuts and i will see how he try to cheat me. muahahahahahhahahahahaha! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
that is IF i read... zzzzzzzzzzzzz....
i bet he will still haf the last laugh... =(
gayness.... zzzzz....

and since almost every is talking bout the abortion thingy....
abortion = wrong, 99% of the time.
its evil to kill mini humans. EVIL.
even animals dont do it.
WHICH FREAKING ANIMAL FUCKING KILL THEIR YOUNG?
NONE.
so, we can simply put it as... we are worst than beasts if we kill our young.
nuff said.

hmmm wad else....
aye... cant blog the 'wad else'ssss... zzz.... just hope that all will b fine... hais....

day 33

2005-02-05T20:27:00.000+08:00

Taking Back Sunday - "New American Classic"

"We've got to get better," I said, "It's all in your head."
We could live through these letters or forget it all together
See the months they don't matter it's the days I can't take
When the hours move to minutes and I'm seconds away

Just ask the question come untie the knot
Say you won't care, say you won't care
Retrace the steps as if we forgot
Say you won't care, say you won't care
Try to avoid it but there's not a doubt
And there's one thing I can do nothing about

When all that we need is just a reaction
It's too much to ask for when there's no attraction anymore
If chasing our dreams is just a distraction
I want to remember when I know that I can't go back

Just ask the question come untie the knot
Say you won't care, say you won't care
Retrace the steps as if we forgot
Say you won't care, say you won't care
Try to avoid it (try to avoid it) but there's not a doubt
There's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing about.

Just ask the question (just ask the question) come untie the knot
Say you won't care, say you won't care
Retrace the steps (retrace the steps) as if we forgot
Say you won't care, say you won't care
Try to avoid it (try to avoid it) but there's not a doubt
And there's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing about.

day 31

2005-02-03T19:59:00.000+08:00

Taking Back Sunday - "Number Five With A Bullet"

we're gonna die like this you know
miserable and old
really gotta hand it to you
really gotta hand it to you
are you positive
absolutely sure
well just get dressed, don't do this
just get dressed, don't do this

spend the night lit listening to miles davis
you said it makes you want to fall in love
or be smart enough to keep your distance
you can't decide, you can't decide

we're gonna die like this you know
miserable and old
really gotta hand it to you
really gotta hand it to you
(well just so you know)
are you positive
(when we get home)
absolutely sure
(we're through)
well just get dressed, don't do this
(we're through)
just get dressed, don't do this

it's a long way back south
(to where i belong)
well you've been there once or twice
(and you still don't like it)
i say you just never gave it a chance
(well give me a chance, give me a chance)
besides did you ever stop to think
that we could keep this up living like theives
(but you can't decide)
you can't decide
(no you can't decide)
well you can't decide

we're gonna die like this you know
(we're gonna die like this)
miserable and old
(miserable and old)
really gotta hand it to you
(miserable and old)
really gotta hand it to you
(well just so you know)
are you positive
(when we get home)
absolutely sure
(we're through)
well just get dressed, don't do this
(we're through)
just get dressed, don't do this

are you positive, absolutely sure
are you positive

we're gonna die like this you know
miserable and old
really gotta hand it to you
really gotta hand it to you

well just so you know
(we're gonna die like this you know)
when we get home
(miserable and old)
we're through
(really gotta hand it to you)
we're through
(really gotta hand it to you)

just so you know
(are you positive)
when we get home
(aboslutely sure)
we're through
(just get dressed don't do this)
we're through
(just get dressed don't do this)

well just so you know
(we're gonna die like this you know)
when we get home
(miserable and old)
we're through
(we'regonna die like this, miserable and old)
we're through
(miserable and old)
well just so you know
(we're gonna die like this you know)
when we get home
(miserable and old)
we're through
(we're gonna die like this, miserable and old)
we're through

day 28

2005-01-31T19:40:00.000+08:00

creative mp3 players price dropping...
=) 512 megs muvo tx fm = $ 191...
pod shuffle 512 megs = $178...

$13 more spent on creative :
1) + lcd screen.
2) + compression thingy... 240 songs in 512mb...
3) + fm radio
4) + equiliser settings
5) + HOLD BUTTON

but....

1) - the rechargeable batt
2) - light weight
3) - looks

so who do u trust with yer mp3 players... apple who is fairly new
or creative which has been in the sound biz for years...
=)

oh yes... life sucks.
it sucks so hard, i desperately need lots of good music to make it suckier...
another band that makes good 'depressing' music is... alexisonfire...

but.. nothing beats nine inch nails. NOTHING.
NIN - hurt. = MOST DEPRESSING SONG.... @ least, most depressing song i've heard so far...

day 27

2005-01-30T18:59:00.000+08:00

school tml.
school sucks.
school is not a happy place.
i missed what school used to be...

day 26

2005-01-29T21:25:00.000+08:00

saturdays...
the only day i look forward to each week.
the only day which i can say that i am feeling fine.
the only day which i know will not suck.
saturdays...

day 24

2005-01-27T22:52:00.000+08:00

NIN -"Hurt"

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feeling disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end

you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

*****
so true. so... sadly true... so sadly true...

day 21

2005-01-24T22:07:00.000+08:00

~~
wait... they don't love you like i love you...
wait... they don't love you like i love you...
wait... they don't love you like i love you...
~~
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps

day 20

2005-01-23T10:40:00.000+08:00

My Chemical Romance-Cemetery Drive

this night, walk the dead
in a solitary style
and crash the cemetery gates.
in the dress your husband hates
way down, mark the grave
where the search lights find us
drinking by the mausoleum door
and they found you on the bathroom floor

i miss you, i miss you so far
and the collision of your kiss that made it so hard

back home, off the run
singing songs that make you slit your wrists
it isn't that much fun, staring down a loaded gun
so i won't stop dying, won't stop lying
if you want i'll keep on crying
did you get what you deserve?
is this what you always want me for?

i miss you, i miss you so far
and the collision of your kiss that made it so hard

way down, way down
way down, way down
way down, way down
way down, way down

i miss you, i miss you so far
and the collision of your kiss that made it so hard

i miss you, i miss you so far
and the collision of your kiss that made it so hard
made it so hard

way down, way down
way down, way down
way down, way down
way down, way down

way down

*******
thanks to mcr that helped me to believe in her death.
she IS dead. lost and gone forever, and i have more or less accepted it......
*******
yes... and i am so gonna get a 512mb ipod shuffle.... 512/4= 128 songs...
or maybe the 1 gig... but it seems insane... how am i gonna find a specific song in a library of 256 other songs.... kinda insane.... but it means tt i can put in those 1 hr + megamixes i got... =)
its like less den 1 cm thick.... totally cool....
rechargeable batt, freaking light (22 grams wtf?!).... it owns the creative stuff....
zzz.... but i trust creative on the sound quality more den i trust apple... =S
newer creative mp3 players have much better sound quality...
i'll see... i'll see... cos i can just make up for the quality part with better earphones...

ok. its the shuffle... the 1 gig shuffle...
the shuffle also acts as a thumbdrive...
1 gig thumb drive means.......
the ability to carry a movie in a thumb drive...
that, is totally cool.
or should i x2 the $$$ spent and get a ipod mini / zen micro/ zen touch?
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........

350-430? bio done.
maths integ 1 done yesterday.
did integ 2 assignments only cos of someone's -ve influence.
left some chem questions...

damn. i am freaking hardworking. i am so proud of myself.
studied bio respiration.
re-arranged my org chem mindmap...
will send mind map to ppl if it turns out well and if they ask. =)

=P and... my mum used up 2 antique almost 1 year old pineapple paste...
and i got some pineapple tarts...
and with some nagging frm me, + 1 tray of choc chip cookies... pathetic but @ least its something...
=P i hope that it will last 1 week? nah....
it will all be finished before mid week if i'm lucky. =P

day 19

2005-01-22T20:31:00.000+08:00

simpsons and malcom in the middle...
the 2 reasons why i look forward to weekends... =)
aft simpsons, i completed integration 1 in like 40 mins... which means....
MORE TIME TO DOTA. =D
=)
@ least it takes my mind of most things... i love dota and other sources of entertainment. =)

day 18

2005-01-21T16:56:00.000+08:00

elektra is a cool movie...
what made it cooler was that we got the WHOLE CINEMA TO OURSELVES...
totally freaking gay... but... its cool, its cool... =)

yeah yeah yeahs. my chemical romance. good bands.
mcr's lyrics have more meaning than yellowcard's.
mcr is... music.

***
internal dvd drive... $129.... buy or no buy.. buy or no buy... @_@

day 17

2005-01-20T17:11:00.000+08:00

today was pretty good. felt the power of hate like i've never felt it before. productive day esp the morning. it gave me so much hate that i didnt feel sleepy @ all throughout the entire day! yes. that is hate. learn to use it.

day 16

2005-01-19T21:32:00.000+08:00

hate me. i would prefer it that way. i have honestly had enough of everything in this world.
hate me. for i did one of u wrong.
hate me. for i want hate.
hate me. only then would i give it up.
which is a stronger emotion? hate or love?
the love of success or the hate of failure.
hate is a better driver. hate brings about a void of emotion. hate gives me strength. hate does not allow me to be harmed by anyone. hate.
love. love killed me. i hate it. period. everything i stood for collapsed. what exactly am i fighting for when i have already lost it all?

the world IS filled with pain and suffering. it IS reality. what little good in this world that i had believed in was lost. i hate everything.

please do not put words in my mouth. do not assume that u know all of me with a few blog enteries. we are ALL bloody sinners. don't make yourselves sound that good either. NOONE is a saint. surely at some point of time in your life u hated a particular person. just because u are past that phase, dont deny the right of others to.
oh yes, and... did it ever occur to you, just you that blog enteries are used possibly for venting of anger? would u rather me vent my anger directly on him? well, now u know something new. please, try to look things from different perspectives for once. THE WHOLE WORLD DO NOT THINK THE SAME WAY YOU DO.
why even bother to be good when everything is fucked up. why?

i have lost the will to fight for the good in the world. let me fall back down. down where i belong.
from his blog, i read a tag. it further reminded me of the hate that drove me. yes. what kind of happily ever after can i have. none. almost everyone else in my life IS up there. whereas i am nothing. i am a nobody. everybody hates a nobody. i agree. its tiring to please people all the time. i am sick of it. please, stfu already.

*

to whom it may concern:

what in this world is more evil that robbing someone of hope?
he knows that its almost impossible for him and her to be together.
but there is a small part of him that hopes for it to happen.
he holds on to what little hope there is.
u say i am mean and full of nonsense.
well, @ least i am not a fucking selfish prick who steals what little hope that person is holding to and smash it in his face. u know what u did.
who in the hell do u fucking think you are to control what others think?
so what if he dreams the almost impossible?
he can at least have the freedom of thought. u have no fucking right to tell him what he shouldnt be thinking. you are no better yourself. please. dont make yourself sound like a fucking angel for u are not one.
u like it when someone comes up to you and rob you of your hope? u like it?
maybe you havent experienced it yet. well if u havent that doesnt mean that u dont have to consider the feelings of others before u try to be 'protective' of your classmate.
all he did was hope. what wrong is there in hoping?

u will then bring up the issue about me bashing down *him. well, there is something called venting of anger. in fact, thats the initial intention of this blog. yes, i do admit that i was overly mean in insulting that fellow classmate. but it was done in anger, not with the purpose to bash him down to nothing and stick to that idea. surely you have been irritated by some people so badly that u call them names and stuff, why? cos they went over the limit. so i snapped. i had to vent my anger, so i blogged it.
well? what about you?
did he piss you off with that one statement he made? so what if it was wishful thinking on his part? dont u dream of being a millionaire? dont u dream of something that u know u will never have? what wrong is there is daydreaming?
and, THE STATEMENT WASN'T EVEN MADE AGAINST YOU.
u are just being plain nosey. u think its that damn great to stand up for your friend. u think u are that damn good. well, u robbed someone of his hope and that is almost unforgiveable.
i hope that you will think over what u have done just as i will.
i hope that you will not do it again. never ever again.
hope is something that u do not rob from someone. even if its false hope.
imagine if someone is dying on his death bed.
do you tell him that everything will be alright.
or do tell him that there is already no hope for him and he should just stop holding on.

that is the value of hope. even if u make that person happy for a while, it means everything to him.

day 15.

2005-01-18T22:01:00.000+08:00

everything will be alright...
i should be alright by the end of this mth most prob... end of next mth the latest... if i am still... not me by then, then i would need counselling. dont worry.
hopefully everything will be better aft this weekend...

sorry for anything i have done.
can't explain face 2 face cos i will risk being questioned.
just bear with me for 2 more days i hope... sorry.

dont ask.

day 13

2005-01-16T19:29:00.000+08:00

cool song... totally cool... DONT HOLD BACK~~~ =)
so, its + 1 more grp to my electronic music fav band list! =)
but this song isnt entirely electronic...
its... cool...

************
The Chemical Brothers - Galvanize

don't hold back...
cause you woke up in the mornin, with the mission to to move, so I make it harder...
don't hold back...
if you think about it, so many people do, be cool man, look smarter....
don't hold back...
and you shouldnt even care, bout those losers in the air, and their crooked stares...
don't hold back...
cause there's a party over here, so you might as well be here, where the people care...
don't hold back...

--

the world, is holdin back...
the time has come to...
the world, is holdin back...
the time has come to...
the world, is holdin back...
the time has come to...
galvanize!
c'mon, c'mon c'mon....

--

dont hold back...
if you think about it too much, you may stumble, trip up, fall on your face...
dont hold back...
you think its time you get up, crunch time, like a sit up, come on keep pace...
dont hold back...
put apprehension on the back burner, let it sit, dont even get it lit...
dont hold back...
get involved with the jam, don't be a prick, hot chick, be a dick....
dont hold back...

--

the world, is holdin back...
the time has come to...
the world, is holdin back...
the time has come to...
the world, is holdin back...
the time has come to...
galvanize!
c'mon, c'mon c'mon....

--

world, the time has come to...
push the button...
world, the time has come to...
push the button...
world, the time has come to...
push the button...
world, my finger, is on the button...
my finger, is on the button...
my finger, is on the button...
push the button...
the time has come to...
galvanize!

day 12

2005-01-15T10:00:00.000+08:00

okay... my mind map is turning out pretty well... totally sweet.
=)
completed the mindmap in bout 1hr... =)
and its just the mindmap w/o the benzene rings... that is impossible to do... haha
now... my next worry is... my map might not have enuff space for extra additions... =(
neh minds! when the time comes, i'll re-adjust it! =)

okay. i finally got mcr... found it somewhere online...
but i wanna buy an offline version! =(
nehminds! someday i will find it offline and buy it!
mcr is as good as yellowcard!!! omg omg!
switchfoot is freaking good too!

day 11

2005-01-14T20:05:00.000+08:00

=)
the mystery of why i slept when i listened to poto...
VAL'S DISC IS ANCIENT!

the newer version, ie the movie version...
is... much much better... =)
@ least i dont yawn immediately...
modern technology sure is good. =)

baah! too diff 2 make nice mind map on ps... try agains tmls... =)

shit.
big shit.

day 10

2005-01-13T18:09:00.000+08:00

elektra ost = nice.
yesterday = fun.
was supposed to do my damn essay in 3 hrs... ended up crapping for 3 hrs with cs and zx... cool...
we made fun of pearlin like... mad. and few others who i cannot name...
oh yes! and my fries were exceptionally crispy and nice... =D and they didnt vanish in like an instant cos someone wasn't there. =) great!
okay. so there was the head bobbing duck who was desperately desperate for old men and the rubik's cube which got harder the longer we played with it, there was the posterior contribution, and some other crap that i cant really remember anymore... =P
i promise the next session will be more productive. we will do @ least 1.5 hrs of work. i promise not to crap. =) so, i completed the damn essay... after that... did from 1030-11... after topic skipping... =P hopefully i do not get that paper. fingers crossed.
apparently, the reasons that i was attempting the s paper for... is not that correct.
why should i sacrifice my freedom for nothing. yes, nothing.
i can just slog like a dog, work like a dog, earn damn money for damn uni fees.
get bank loans, whatever!
1 step @ a time, i'll see when the time comes... =P

today... tiring... mass pe is fun as usual... =)
hay-eater is getting on my nerves... he is practically jumping up and down on my nerves whenever he opens his mouth to attempt to say something 'constructive'.
he tries to justify his senseless statements and only managed to stupidify the stupid.
yes, its THAT bad.
now i understand why zx was so... silent for the 1st week.
hmmm... his super inhuman intelligence is... breath-taking. literally breath taking.
stunning and speechless, we were left after he gave a lecture on how 'correct' he was.
his execptional ability is simply... retarded. i have to lower my iq just to understand what he is trying to tell me, and lower it further to reply him in an unoffensive manner.
u may say that i am mean, say that i am evil.
say whatever u wanna say.
u have no idea what its like till u are sitting beside him. NO IDEA.
@ least cs and zx understand it... maybe arun too... =)

well zx, a promise is a promise. just 10 more mths. =)
we need 2 brain storm on ways to disregard his existance... =P
possibly less mean ways... =)

okay... another moment of foo inspiration...
if he can stick to such a strict diet, so can i!!
time to go back to the papaya diet which i came up with last week. =)
of course, i will not be as insane as him... i will just faint... just my breaks, just my breaks...
break time = papaya + random drink/food, as far as possible...

hmmm... thats all! =P

day 7

2005-01-10T18:11:00.000+08:00

okay. objective met. bearings refound. motivation found.
guess what man!
was looking for cg2005. so i went to bish... pop didnt have it, mph didnt have it... so i went to the interchange 2 go home lar!
then... i saw it @ a news stand. uber gayness. =)
it means that... i am supposed to haf tt damn book!
and its pretty cool... i always thought u could become a bio lab worker with a degree in chem engineering... lol. i was wrong... =)
@ least now i know what my dream jobs require...
my zoologist dream might be possible...
my serial killer dream might be possible...
!!! wth!!
i can do many many stuffs... if i freaking work for it!!
and i need 3 a level distinction and a s paper merit to apply for scholarships having
'have excellent a level results' requirements...

'have excellent a level results' was all over the place... and on the last page... 1 stated
'have excellent a level results : 3 a level distinction and a s paper merit'

so... i am assuming that most require 3 a level distinction and a s paper merit. so... i am gonna work on that 3 essays to get a chance @ 3 a level distinction and a s paper merit.
bio s would mean that i will be forced to improve on my damn gp!
kill 2 birdies with 1 stone. cool...
just hope tt i can....

but if not! i will channel my +ve energies i have for the damn s paper into gp! =)
win win situation. =)
work work! =D

yeah!
prudence and caution!
cool lar!

*update!!!
rmb tt i saw weiqi @ busstop when i was walking home! lolx! standard wq. just tt she doesnt look that lame.
er... gundam seed dest. 13 is freaking good. er...
research... freaking cool stuff... =))
er... yea... sweet... =)

day 5

2005-01-08T21:32:00.000+08:00

we never understand IT.
we can't understand IT.
we love IT at times.
we hate IT at times.
IT makes us cry.
IT makes us smile like retards.
we keep seeking IT
though for more than half the time, we fear IT.
IT makes us.
IT breaks us.

don't we all hate IT?

**********************

ok. i have lost my bearings. again.
i haf no idea what i want in future.
no idea at all.
this sucks.
sucks totally.
screw what happened late last night. not 'cip'. it was cool. very cool.
screw it.

compass + magnet = deep shit
screw the magnet.
screw the reason it came back for.
screw the compass.
screw the compass for letting it happen.

sucks.
thats where the purpose driven life came in.
purpose.
what exactly drives me.
all the wrong reasons.
guilt and fear.
fear. nothing can affect me unless i LET it. i must let go of the past.
i am not supposed to hold onto the past or i will not be able to move on. on into the future.

day 3

2005-01-06T19:22:00.000+08:00

My Chemical Romance - Helena

Long ago
Just like the hearse you died to get in again
We are so far from you

Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives of everyone you knew
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Came a time
When every star falls brought you to tears again
We are the very hurt you sold
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend to leave and then
We'll meet again
When both our cars collide?

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

day 2

2005-01-05T19:38:00.000+08:00

day 2.

I am not an accident.

'I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born.'

*******************

oh yes. i am liking mcr more and more. =)

day 1

2005-01-04T16:03:00.000+08:00

our purpose.

day 1.

It's not all about me.

'Everything got started in him, and finds its purpose in him.'

day 31

2005-01-03T20:41:00.000+08:00

got a little letter and a little card from my sis.
i miss her.
how is it that people whom i know for just one week, are able to appreciate me more than people i know for... much more than one week?
why is it so?

why is it that i can hug someone and not feel like letting go, someone whom i have just known for one week. and not to most of the people i have known for... more than one week. why?

ironic isnt it?

its like when we accidentally bump into strangers and we say 'sorry'
while when we bump into people we say ' watch where your are going!'
why is it so?

siao yan and jan came to sch 2day and gave chocolates...
mr chua retired. =( miss him... nice guy. nice teacher.
mr goh is taking over him. hod. scary. just hope that i can understand him teach. =)
did co-op till damn late... 5 i think... was dead when i reached home.
bad sleep yest plus long day = zzzzz

now... i will go do my maths hw. 2 questions. must not break my promise.
strength. preseverence.

day 29

2005-01-01T01:09:00.000+08:00

hello people.
i no longer have caller id. so... if i nv ans yer call... =)
just leave me a msg. and i'll call back.
thanks alots. =)

new year's resolution.

1) be more relaxed. like seriously chill... mmmhh
2) be more disciplined. if children half my age can do it. why can't i? i must do it.

=)

have you ever wondered... what is our purpose?
what exactly is the purpose of our existance?
what do we exist for?

!!!

9 am.
i slept, and woke up, and thought about some stuffs.
so... it seems that almost every year in my life is screwed up.... as far as i could remember...
yep... all the way to my pri sch life...
every year, there is something retarded that i do, that screws me up totally.
every year.
at least, since sec 1 onwards is definate.
lets see.
last year. 2004. total, absolute screw up. don't wanna talk about it.
2003. screw up leading to big screw up in 2004. sucks.
2002. retarded thingy, leading to situation in 2003, ultimately leading to screw up. sucks.
2001. very retarded. very bad. very very very bad.
2000. same as 2001.
1999. i think i forgive my primary school stupidity cos... i was still a kid....
practically, my whole life so far is screwed up.
sucks.
see how one little thing i did in 2002, caused 3 years of screw ups.
2002, 2003, 2004. 3 years. 1 little thing. ONE.
this IS the butterfly effect.

2005.
i will get things right this year.
right here
right now.
for the first time in my life, i will get things right.
and this time, i know my source of strength will not die on me like it did.
lets hope i will do things right. for one year. just this one year.

!!!
i have zx's no. 3!
yea yea yea! we have something in common!
er.. i mean i had and i am still having no. 3!
i will help you zx! yeah!
and i will not break my promise i made to myself months ago.
=) its sweet to have company. =)

oh yes!
i was thinking in the afternoon, why some people are able to get what they want, why they can accomplish what they wanna do. how the hell do they do it?
why they are able to and we are unable to? why?
answer is simple. they WANT to more BADLY than us.
they just WANT IT MORE BADLY than us.

which has set me thinking...
what do i want?
how badly do i want it?
i wanna do well for As, hopefully, well enought such that my parents won't haf to pay for my education anymore.
how badly? not sure. but i seriously want to. i desperately want to. i want it bad.
i must work towards it. i must. i will, i swear i will. for myself and my parents i will.

*
when oceans will rise,
cities will fall.
people will die,
but hope will survive.
*
may the victims of the deadly tsunami rest in peace.
may their families find peace.
may all those affected find peace.

may all the rescue workers not give up.
may they not lose strength and hope.
hope.

day 28

2004-12-31T23:30:00.000+08:00

-365 days.
have u ever done something bad... on purpose?
have u ever knowingly done something which might harm yourself?

its like over drinking.
enjoying the process at the expense of damage to your body.

just that the pain and joy, whatever minimal, insignificant joy there may be, comes at the same time.

it sucks.

but not anymore! =)
2005 will be a beautiful year... i hope... =))